« roll up your window | back to in retrospect | fire! fire! »
October 24, 2003
fantasies are like that
checking out my referral logs, a visitor came to this site by searching google to find out "how i can learn to hurt my ankle badly enough to need crutches".
anyone who checks their logs will find a myriad of freaky shit that leads the twisted and perverse to your site. but this one was personal.
so just in case this visitor comes back i want them to hear from me that most fantasies, when realized do not live up to what you envision in your mind's eye.
crutches might seem exciting or fun to some people. the helplessness. the dependency. maybe there's a little master/servant thing tickling the imagination. or maybe it's the desperate need for automatic sympathy from strangers. or the sense of importance of moving to the front of any line. or even just the great handicapped seats in the movie theatre.
let me take a moment to shatter the illusions of your misplaced fantasy:
- chafing under your arms
- constant backache
- passersby don't know what to do, so they tend to ignore you--even knock you over
- even worse, most people that see you coming don't get out of the way, they just crowd in front of you for fear of being slowed down by your gimpiness
- you can't carry your groceries
- you can't carry a cup of coffee or glass of wine from one room to another
- you probably can't drive (depending on the foot)
- you can't clean your house
- the crutches tend to get tangled up in swinging gates or slip up in water landing you promptly on your ass. over and over.
- and if you've had too much to drink...well strange things happen.
- grocery shopping is a nightmare.
- going out to a club is impossible.
...i could really go on and on, but you get the idea.
and let me tell you this, if you've hurt your ankle badly enough to be on crutches? well, after the crutches are off you can likely expect a lifetime of arthritic pain, swelling, limping, orthopedic shoes and ugly compression socks.
here's my advice to you, email me your address and i'll ship you my crutches free of charge. then go to your local drug store, buy a lace up brace and crutch around for a few weeks. get it out of your system.
because trust me, my friend--fantasies are fantasies for a reason. keep 'em there.
Posted by heidijanet at October 24, 2003 02:53 PM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.inretrospect.org/cgi-bin/mt-ping.cgi/69
Comments
Amen to that! You go girl!!!
You forgot to tell him he is not allowed to put any weight on the foot in the cast for month, not even a little bit. One needs both arms to use the crutches.
Or, about how the palms of your hands burn from the pressure.
Bye the way, just found a great balm for sore spots. I'll get you some.
Posted by: Judi at October 24, 2003 07:37 PM
Some people are just plain nuts. They don't need a reason.
Nuts.
Posted by: Ryan at October 26, 2003 12:04 AM
Don't even bother with the wacko. Associations, at the very minimal, should be guarded.
Posted by: Publius at October 31, 2003 09:32 AM
Post a comment
Thanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out)
(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)