in retrospect

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October 24, 2003

roll up your window

as i drive into work in the morning, i roll down all my windows because i love the smell of the ocean as i crawl up PCH.

so yesterday as i'm rolling along with NPR turned up, the fellow in the next lane apparently mistook this as an open invitation to chat.

"hey are you on your way to work?"

i look over with that look of disoriented disruption, girls you know the look...well i'm sure many of you fellas know the look too, dontcha?

"er, yeah"

"where do you work?"

"thousand oaks"

"where?"

feeling safe in the fact that he'd have to search 45 buildings and 10,000 people to stalk me

"Amgen"

"wow, i used to be in that business..."

light changes, i speed away only to find myself cornered at the next light. before i could get my windows up, he pulls up next to me again.

"so can i get your number?"

"er, i don't really shout out my number on the street to strangers...heh"

light changes, i speed away only to...well you get the picture.

"hey, seriously i just want to meet you for coffee, don't you want to meet me for coffee?"

politeness diminishing. "not really. no."

"no? but you're so cute!"

ok so here's where i was kind of bewildered. clearly he thought _i_ was cute --that was not the obstacle

"uh, i don't think so. sorry."

i finally make it away with time to politely roll up my windows and escape still hearing his pleading shouts trail off as i speed away.

first of all let's start with some ground rules:

rule number one: never hit on a woman from your car. now i'm sure there might be exceptions, but overall it's just creepy. i don't know why, it just is.

rule number two: when a woman says no. it usually means no. please move on.

here's what i want to understand:

just because a woman is not a bitch who scowls and rolls up her window doesn't mean she's interested. i've learned to be polite, smile, be appreciative of the fact that someone thinks i'm cute by not being a total bitch about the thing -- i just say thank you, but no.

but is there something that these bitchy women know that i don't? am i leading people on by being nice and trying to not hurt their feelings? i mean, i know how hard it is to approach someone you like...it's excruciatingly nerve-wracking. isn't it better to smile and be nice about the rejection? or is it better to just roll up the windows mid-sentence with an "i don't think so" attitude?

Posted by heidijanet at October 24, 2003 10:54 AM

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Comments

Heh heh, I was at the bar with some friends the other night, and some guy was the ultimate worst to my friend. He insulted her french (we were in Quebec), called her down just for being an engineer, and called her a couger, THEN tried to hold her hand and grab her ass on the dance floor a little while later. I tell ya, Heidi, even I don't get guys sometimes.

:|

Posted by: Ryan at October 26, 2003 12:03 AM

Ah, poor thing. You are safely in your car and in public and you think that a guy talking to you from his car is a threat? Yes, meeting people is hard enough, so why chastise those that simply give it a try? Its not a whistle, a leer, a lewd comment, he's making small talk and asks you to coffee. He's persistent cause he's insecure, but also because you are you, Heidi, and perhaps many a man would go to lengths to make a fool of himself in an inappropriate way because it is his only chance to get to you - an effort worth breaking the "rules" setup by women?

Just say "no" and don't pile the load of often unwarranted fear and paranoia on the guy's shoulders. What he did was innocent and he would not in any instance deserve to be made to feel like a threatening ass.

Posted by: buck at October 26, 2003 11:25 AM

well, i _was_ nice and smiled and politely said no. i don't think that i piled any such load of unwarranted fear or paranoia on anyone's shoulders.

but when one says no, and the guy keeps after to you...well where do you draw the line?

Posted by: heidi janet at October 27, 2003 11:25 PM

Oh yes, so much better to meet total strangers on myspace.com. But to be fair to you, it doesn't seem to me that you were rude or mean to the guy. I think you handled it quite well.

Posted by: Peter at November 3, 2003 11:56 AM

hey now, i'm cool with meeting strangers. especially with the protection of distance (a la online friend networks) or in a social occasion in public.

for some reason hollering out your car window and continuing to pursue me down the street kinda freaks me out.

and frankly, it's more a question about how to handle it so that they maybe _don't_ follow me home in my car.

Posted by: heidi janet at November 3, 2003 12:17 PM

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