« six words | back to in retrospect | three whole dayzzz »
February 14, 2004
dim recollection
recently i've developed a pattern of waking up in the dim dark of my room in the wee hours of the morning with palpable awareness that my life is finite. that at some point, i will die.
i've raised this with friends, over dinner or coffee, and the pat response is that this...is morbid. subject changed.
but in the wee hours of the morning, it isn't morbid. quite the opposite. it is as if my well-rested mind is sending up a flare of warning. and it's smart enough to catch my attention before i become preoccupied with being late for work, did i pick up the drycleaning, what should i wear today and oh, did i get approval for that artwork before it went to print?
in the dim light of pre-morning, blinking at the clock that reads 5:03am, i am painfully aware of time passing in a seemingly infinite present of sameness. in sharp contradiction to the cram-packedness of distractions, and their illusion of purpose.
and this weighs on me.
Posted by heidijanet at February 14, 2004 09:23 AM
Trackback Pings
TrackBack URL for this entry:
http://www.inretrospect.org/cgi-bin/mt-ping.cgi/115
Comments
I am reminded of one of my dad's favorite Rumi poems!
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.
Posted by: Ariel at February 14, 2004 09:43 AM
Ariel, that poem is so fitting.
I started having these at 16. They continue today. That is why I am in Taiwan now - I am not dead yet!
Here's to taking life for a ride and loving it. May you always find health, wealth, and happiness on your chosen path.
Posted by: Ryan at February 14, 2004 10:02 AM
It's Ok to talk about this stuff.
It is definately NOT morbid!
Maybe what is coming through is:
You have this moment.
Rejoice in it!
Posted by: Judi at February 14, 2004 01:22 PM
after the ride you have been on over the course of the past few years...
maybe things seem a bit dull right now?
just keep riding the wave, honey... that is all you can do.
Posted by: Martin at February 14, 2004 07:48 PM
To not think of death is denial of life. death is final. Life is to be enjoyed and savored.
Sweete when you get to be my age death is a specter fast approaching, so I don't dwell on it.
live hard die young and have a good looking corpse.
Love
DADDYO
Posted by: DADDYO at February 15, 2004 01:29 AM
Long commute??
Posted by: Rex at February 18, 2004 06:32 PM
Why should we fear facing the inevitable and most natural thing aside from creation itself. I say contemplate it futher, it can only deepen your life experience, perhaps bring more joy and definition to it. And when it comes - it will be familiar.
Posted by: Keenon at February 20, 2004 10:21 AM
Post a comment
Thanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out)
(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)