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February 23, 2004
out of touch
a good [male] friend of mine once advised me that i needed to get in touch with... my feminine side. other friends, who don't really know me that well, tend to be surprised by this observation...but this advice was timely and well-advised.
even as a very small child, my best friends were the boys. i always had trouble making girlfriends. i have a raunchy sense of humor, the baudier the joke, the better. i spent my childhood as a noisy, rambunctious child who scurried up trees, played in the mud, had an odd fashion sense with a die-hard penchant for attempting to beat every one--especially the boys--at any competition.
in college i drove a 1972 red bronco often packed to the gunrack with boys from the neighboring dorm and would venture high into the rockies for upside-down marguaritas off the tailgate, followed by four-wheeling antics with gut-wrenching, shock-snapping results.
my idea of camping is a sleeping bag and a sharp knife. one of my favorite pasttimes is bass-fishing with a bud light between my knees, and i can clean a fish in a couple minutes flat without breaking a sweat. i've been known to clear a pool table (on a good night) after slinging back four shots of basil hayden with six guys on the tail end of an excessive bar hop. my favorite books have been penned at the hands of kerouac, bukowski and burroughs, in sharp contrast to bronte or bushnell (although wurtzel is admittedly a favorite). my career mentors have been former investment bankers and ad execs whose best advice has been to suck it up, learn to piss in the tall weeds with the big dogs and not get my panties in a bunch when a deal went sideways.
needless to say, when i hit my late-twenties, with two male roommates, three male employees, a male business partner and complete lack of women that i could call up and indulge in girl-talk with, i made a vow to make more female friends.
having good girlfriends is essential, they are willing to discuss an issue ad nauseum until you feel that you've been really heard, instead of having an issue "fixed" by a male friend. you can laugh, relax, talk about men and sex with a frankness not advised among men for fear of either giving them the wrong idea, or striking fear into their heart. you can relish in frivolities like the new kate spade bag or your new hairdresser with a knowing look, instead of a blank stare. and if you're feeling really pre-menstrual bitchy, you can announce it with no fear that it will be held against you later. not to mention it's a health risk to not have good girlfriends.
unfortunately, the subtle dynamics between women are often lost on me. i've never been one of those girls could be described as subtle. generally, if i think something i'll say it--not to be brash, but if there's one thing i know about myself, it's that i have a very expressive face and few social filters, so trying to be subtle is pointless. if i want something, i go for it with a tenacity that startles most women i know. and if something is bothering me, i'll likely tell you to your face.
so i intentionally choose female friends that are tough and sassy that won't put up with any bullshit -- because i know that when i get on my sassy horse or put on my bossy face they have the balls to tell me to go pound sand.
but i struggle with the intricate nuances and politics of female relationships, because i'm just not wired that way. in a recent exchange with a roommate about some things that have been weighing on me with my girlfriends lately, she widened her eyes with the realization, "i am really surprised at how much you are reacting to this like a guy would." well, yeah. that's my nature.
so i wonder, what do you do when the thing you want to overcome, is a thing that's simply against your nature?
it's a conundrum that plagues me.
Posted by heidijanet at February 23, 2004 11:31 AM
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Comments
Stay with Yourself.
The problem most women have is that while we will talk frankly about problems with someone else, we usually won't tell each other when something comes up between us.
Most of us want to let off steam when hurt or angry. We want to feel heard. I think we process our feelings as we talk. But most of us are reluctant to talk directly with the person involved, even though that is the most sensible thing to do.
You are a strong, smart and capable woman as well as a beautiful soul. I'm glad I know you!
Posted by: Judi at February 23, 2004 03:05 PM
Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.
Dr. Seuss
Posted by: Dr. Seuss at February 23, 2004 07:05 PM
Dear Dr. Seuss,
You are a wise man!
Posted by: Judi at February 23, 2004 11:54 PM
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