in retrospect

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March 09, 2004

strange dreams again

i woke up this morning having had another one of those strange dreams that have bothered me all day.

this time, i was going to a huge party. i arrived at a huge warehouse, and got somewhat lost trying to find loft #60. i wandered up and down through a strange maze of stairs. some of them you could go up, but not down. and vice versa. there were maps on the wall like you would see in a mall, except you had to push a button to light up the indicators, and for some reason you had to manually enter where you were with only had a few moments before it went dark again. which was confusing, because i didn't know where the hell i was. i'd look at the map, light it up to see the numbers, then quickly glance around to see which loft numbers were near me. by the time i reached out to enter the number, it went dark. i did this several times before i finally was able to briefly see where i was in relation to loft #60.

i finally made my way to the correct door, and went in. it was a loud party with hundreds of people. there were a few people from work. some old friends i hadn't seen in years and years. a couple of distant family members, and colin farrell. which was weird.

so i'm walking around, talking to people then suddenly the lights flicker on and off, the party's over. the loft immediately empties out and the only two people left in the room are myself and an old boss of mine from years ago. he was my career mentor, but i haven't spoken to him in years.

we look at each other and automatically walk together down to my car saying nothing. my car is a datsun B210, which was my very first car inherited from my grandmother when i was sixteen years old. for some reason he doesn't have his car, and in my dream there are apparently no cabs to call.

we drive down the road, come to the stoplight and i put my blinker on to turn left. all signs indicate that this is okay to do, there's even a left arrow that turns green. but as i turn left on to the road, it quickly becomes clear that it's a one-way street, and i'm driving the wrong way. so i maneuver over into the shoulder, but there's no immediate opportunity to turn off the road. it doesn't occur to me to just turn my car around and drive the correct direction.

i finally get to a place where i can turn left onto a road driving the correct way, and i do. there's a big island in the middle of the road and a curb that drops off on the right hand side of the road. i finally find the exit i need to take my ex-boss home, and it's on the other side of the island. there's no place to turn left. i drive slowly hopefully finding a place to make a u-turn, and i can't keep the car on the road, i keep dropping the tires off the curb to the right and it's a serious struggle to keep the car straight. there's nothing wrong with the car, i just can't seem to drive properly.

i finally arrive at a rotary where i can make my way the other direction, but by this time i'm so frustrated, i gripping the wheel with white-knuckles and cursing at the horribly designed roads, lecturing the absent highway planner about how it's impossible for me to find my way to where i want to be. then i remember how hard it was to find loft #60 and i start bitching about that, how not only could i not figure out where i was going, but i couldn't figure out where the hell i was, for crying out loud.

finally my ex-boss who's been smugly silent until this point, turns and looks at me, and says, "it's your responsibility to know where you are and where you are going, and no one gives a rat's ass how hard it is for you to figure it out. but either way, at least keep the goddamn car on the road."

this has bothered me all day.

Posted by heidijanet at March 9, 2004 03:15 PM

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Comments

I love trying to interpret dreams... I have had no formal training as such, but I have paid attention over the last 15 years or so. Thesis: your brain is in a freewheeling mode during dreams.. It has the freedom to dance with all of your existing thoughts. So, I think it tends to dwell in the areas that have been active recently, using any random item from your pastÖ So, what does that mean? I think that it is a glimpse of what is going on in your subconscious. Classic dreams like:
you canít run away or running in slow motion from something dangerous,
you arrive at school without any clothes, or
you canít drive the car ON the road,
indicate that your mind is feeling helpless or is struggling. I have dreams like this all the time when I am starting something new and donít feel in control, like starting as a Freshman in college or high school, or starting a new job.

In a very small number of instances I have the alternate dream. Its where I can really get my arms moving, somehow aerodynamically capturing and pushing enough air to actually get my body to fly. I can fly to the treetops and rooftops in great detail. One time, I flew from a yacht in the Mediterranean Sea to a Tuscan hilltop villa for lunch. It really feels good. I love it. ìin retrospect,î those dreams occurred during the few times of being happy with my own accomplishments, like getting the date I always wanted, kicking ass at work, or making piles of money in the stock market.

My best dreams are ones that actually end up solving a problem for me, or showing me an alternate way of looking at a situation. Itís your own brain exercising. It may actually find a solution. It is certainly telling you something. I think itís a look at your subconsciousÖ

In your case, I bet there is something making you feel trapped or powerless. Again, I would seriously think of your commute. My dreams seem to involve things that I spend a lot of time doing. The car is a giveaway.

I had worse dreams than that when I was commuting right after college. They were all ìtrappedî dreams. I was being crammed into a little mold and melted into a little blue plastic brick. They would file me in a large room with 1000 drawers and cataloged. I could see out somehow. It was the result of my mind state and the brief memory of a little plastic dinosaur toy I had as a kid. You could heat little plastic bricks and see the animal reform to its original shape. When you were done, you can heat the plastic animal again and press it into its mold.

Posted by: Rex at March 10, 2004 01:08 AM

I had a lost and searching dream last night too.

It seemed like I'd finally found my way when I woke. Pete had walked into the room. He said I had opened my eyes, so he started to talk. I only remember him waking me with his words.

All I know is that i wanted to go back to sleep to get to the end. Now, I only remember tiny bits and would have forgotten it all except for your post.

I think we are always searching ... and finding ourselves lost, as we move along our life's journey.

Just tells us that there is more to go.

Posted by: judi at March 10, 2004 03:34 PM

This morning I had a dream that I can't QUITE remember. All I know was that when I woke up, I had the Bee Gee's "More Than A Woman" stuck in my head.

Posted by: Ariel at March 11, 2004 03:17 PM

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