in retrospect

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October 26, 2004

perceive

i love synchronicity, on my way into work this morning i spent most of the way in thinking about misguided perceptions. that we have of ourselves, and of others. ariel posted some well-articulated thoughts on some of the same issues that have been keeping me awake during my daily commute.

feeling inferior--or conversely, feeling indimidated by others--is in my humble opinion one of the most insidious human tendencies. i've listened to repeated "observations", that i come off as intimidating. sharp around the edges. detached. condescending. recently, i've even been called mean.

i've had more than my fair share of backhanded compliments along the lines of, "wow i never really understood why (insert such and such mutual friend) were so over the moon, but now i get it." or "gosh, now the more i get to know you better, the more i like you." and who knows how many people never even bother getting to know me in the first place.

i've always believed that we often become so absorbed with how we appear to others, we don't stop to realize that people aren't really thinking about us at all...they're too concerned about what others think of them.

but perhaps it shouldn't be overlooked that being self-aware is not the same as being self-absorbed. we all make snap judgements based upon our perceptions of others, not even bothering to consider that our perceptions might be flawed. and people are making snap judgements about us all the time.

for example, what i might consider passionate banter of a subject, is actually perceived as opinionated and condescending by innocent bystanders dragged into the discussion. what looks like disinterest to others, is really debilitating shyness or fear to me. due to my raucous laugh, impulsive and impatient nature, people don't expect to find me easily wounded or frustratingly introverted in unfamiliar social situations.

i agree with ariel's assertion, we should be able to admire one another, from our own pedestal, instead of feeling intimidated--or even worse, jealous--forcing others off the pedestals we placed them on in the first place.

i refuse to spend a lot of energy trying to climb down the pedestal of someone else's construct, nor am i going to try to change someone's mind that has decided that i don't measure up.

but that doesn't mean that my heart doesn't break a little every time i realize that i've likely missed out on something really fantastic at the hand of misguided perception.

Posted by heidijanet at October 26, 2004 12:47 PM

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Comments

Wonderfully put!

For the record:
I see you as a beautiful, talented and spiritual woman who is finding her way along life’s path.

You are doing a good job!
You are also loving and kind.

It has been my honor and privilege to have known you.

Posted by: judi at October 28, 2004 09:09 AM

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