« oxymoron | back to in retrospect | standard fare »
November 14, 2005
uncompromising
i just had a long and wonderful conversation with my mother. i've been struggling a bit, with my work with my personal life etc. i've kept silent for the last several months, not posting, not calling my friends back (sorry), not socializing, kind of preserving my privacy and treasuring the introspection that comes along with some well-deserved isolation.
i've intentionally remained single for the last few years, cultivating close relationships with girlfriends, preserving my energy for people that i connect with, since i have precious little energy left at the end of my day.
it's gotten to the point that the people that love me most have becomed concerned about my absence. (thank you for your concern, truly)
yet it's so fantastic to have a conversation with my mother, who despite our differences--knows me best of all--and receive a bit of encouragment and validation that there are times when focusing on work or youself is just simply necessary.
so in the midst of my sudden concern that things will remain this way. that when i feel the need to adjust or compromise to alleviate my sense of lonlieness, accompanied by a complete unwillingness to do so while my friends (with the best of intentions) advise me to tone it down, soften it up, compromise and "get myself out there"...my mother replies, "oh, don't be ridiculous. you know who you are. it's when you start to compromise you get yourself into serious trouble."
then i go on to explain that someone that i've recently been involved with described me as indimidating and a bit overwhelming, so maybe i should tone it down...
my mother replies, "oh they're all weak babies. if you need to tone it down then they just don't appreciate who you are."
of course this is the same woman who advised me that love was a crapshoot.
Posted by heidijanet at November 14, 2005 10:07 PM
Comments
Post a comment
Thanks for signing in, . Now you can comment. (sign out)
(If you haven't left a comment here before, you may need to be approved by the site owner before your comment will appear. Until then, it won't appear on the entry. Thanks for waiting.)