in retrospect

October 27, 2007

the fires of october

october is burning.

the first fire started on october 10th, but i'll get to that.

the next fire ignited last sunday. traveling with a friend to vegas for the weekend, i was awakened by a call letting us know that malibu was burning. we turned on the news in time to watch the fire engulf a church and the malibu castle.

we'd just flown in the evening before, and changing our fight to get out the next day was impossible. so we watched the news for a bit, and after the fire jumped the canyon, we took one look at each other and immediately booked a car to head back to los angeles.

traffic from vegas on a sunday afternoon is miserable without the santa anas blowing and we crawled along the highway at an agonizing pace listening to news radio and getting updates from friends as often as possible.

as we dropped into the valley six hours later, we passed semis overturned and crumpled by the force of the winds, watched brush fires kicking up in santa clarita, and our anxiety thickened with the smoke. finally, we wound through carbon canyon as the flames dropped into the opposite side of the canyon. fire trucks stuffed with watchful waiting fireman were parked in driveways all the way back to the house.

we evacuated all of the important stuff from my friend's house and left with plans to return the next day if we needed to help get the animals out of there. we headed back to my place to sleep, and wait.

the next day the canyon was closed and a mandatory evacuation was in place preventing us from driving up the canyon. leaving the gimp (me) behind, the boys sneaked up the canyon on foot to evacuate a couple of monkeys, marmosets, a bunny and a cat from the property while i waited fretting in a beach house on pch watching the fire burn relentless.

everyone returned safe a few hours later tired, dirty with only a couple of monkey bites to show for their efforts. by wednesday the fire was contained and we headed back to the house to survey the damage. the fire had come right up to the ridge behind the property and before it was stopped by fire crews.

or at least that's what we thought.

settling back in, we pulled the bags out of the car, popped a couple of tylenol pm and tried to relax. but early friday morning we were pulled out of sleep by the frantic neighbor crying fire.

i pulled out of a sound sleep to wide awake in two seconds flat in cowboy boots and pajamas straight out the door and across the yard to confirm that yes, there was a nice big brush fire flaming 20 feet in the air just behind the house.

911 was called, already packed bags were tossed back into the car with keys in the ignition awaiting another dash right back down the canyon.

but those firemen are pretty efficient and made quick work of the fire. while the trucks and water tankers maneuvered around for the best position, a single file line of firefighters trooped over to the ravine, quickly located the best way to make it down and lemming-ed right over the edge chainsaws buzzing and pickaxes burrowing a neat firebreak all around the fire while the rest of the team unwound the hose and went to work putting it out.

there's a good reason that everyone loves a fireman. well that, AND they put out fires. exhausted and nervous, we returned to bed, immensely relieved when the rain came along the following afternoon.

oh that first fire on the 10th? amgen had a little reduction in force. and as the Johns (a close facsimile to the Bobs) informed me, "...your position has been affected." in other words, i had been reduced.

it's weird, but suddenly i do feel much lighter.

Posted by heidijanet at 05:12 PM | Comments (0)

February 14, 2007

it's not that bad

so today in a meeting, the subject of vday came up, and i made a snide comment about valentine's day and my inclination to vacillate between apathy and disdain for the greeting card holiday.

this sparked a dialogue between a colleague (and also a close friend) and another colleague who expressed surprise at my snarky cynicism. this was the exchange that followed on the typical pattern of my rare and often ill-advised dalliances:

colleague: wow, i never would have expected that...
me: (hemming and hawing) yeah i don't even really get involved that often and when i do...well...
colleague: what happens?
friend/colleague: um...have you ever seen heidi eat bacon? (he then pantomimed some kind of messy devouring of said foodstuff, followed by the onset of mild indigestion)
me: yes, well...erm...can we move on?

after which my dear friend sent out this as visual aid.

not that bad
Originally uploaded by in retrospect.

Posted by heidijanet at 03:49 PM | Comments (0)

February 13, 2007

meaningless hack

so on friday, someone hacked into my web server and replaced the index page with an triumphant message against a black background accompanied by ominous background music. which would have been totally amusing if it wasn't so annoying. now there are all kinds of little glitches with my publishing features and other annoying little things while i fix things here and there.

the thing i can't figure, is why anyone would bother to hack a site that receives double digit daily traffic, mostly from extended friends and family, and is updated with such infrequency it can hardly be worth anyone's effort.

at any rate it's all (mostly) fixed now, and my 22 friends that stop by to see what might be new can go back to holding your breath for the next update. :)

Posted by heidijanet at 08:16 PM | Comments (0)

February 05, 2007

i resolve.

my resolution this year was pretty simple--lower my expectations to zero and see what happens.

upon relaying this to a friend the response was a resounding, "that's a good one for you! i give it a week."

which was a well placed observation. it's more than a little difficult to change your nature in one fail swoop. it was working fairly well there for a while, but with no small amount of effort.

and frankly, the new year so far has treated me fairly well. not without just a little bit of rough treatment. i have a bruise on my wrist from a game of air hockey that went just a little awry. i managed to allow my hairdresser to have fun with copper--to mixed results and at la'vie l'orange i selected a shade of red for my toes that borders right on the edge of trashy. which given recent history ranks right there on the bottom of the list of things to worry my little head about.

so, tonight i took a small moment to stand barefooted in the middle of my kitchen in a rare moment of contentedness in gratitude of the moment.

and then managed to break it down with a little sleuthiness combined with curiosity that has always been my downfall.

maybe i should add a little less introspection, heed the advice against idle hands, oh and while i'm at it neuter my natural inclination and instincts altogether.

then gloat to my dear friend, i made it a whole month.

Posted by heidijanet at 09:38 PM | Comments (0)

August 06, 2006

happy [belated] birthday to me

dancing in toscas
Originally uploaded by in retrospect.

i celebrated my birthday a week ago sunday in san francisco with some of my nearesst and dearest. it was one of the most fantastic weekends i've had in a while. which was a relief after running up to my birthday with persistent bouts of insomnia, paralyzing introspection and a kind of concern about this one that i've never had before.

maybe all you need is time to hang out with your dad in the backyard, have an unexpected encounter with experimental olives, consume french food for 12 hours straight and cap off the evening dancing with friends to dean martin blasting from the wurlitzer at tosca's on columbus.

and stop to remember that watching time pass, regardless of your current state of affairs, is still better than the alternative.

Posted by heidijanet at 07:58 PM | Comments (0)

May 01, 2006

monday greetings

best card from boss ever...
Originally uploaded by in retrospect.

coming into the office i find this on my desk from my boss. apparently my secret is out.

Posted by heidijanet at 10:00 AM | Comments (0)

March 24, 2006

times are a'changing

it's been quiet again. i think that my almost daily updates have slowed way down to once in a blue moon in part to my dear friends and family members using the site to "stay in touch" instead of reaching out. but also, what has historically felt like a place that was just under the wire, has felt less so recently, particulary after reading this. [via ariel]

but i miss the exercise of writing on a regular basis, so as usual ,this is more for my own benefit and amusement than anyone else's. so i may tone some of the revelations down, but keep the frequency up.

so for all the news that's fit to print...

migration. i've emigrated from my lovely abode on abbot kinney in venice to a peach condo in a gated community in calabasas, a little town in the valley stuffed with suvs, soccer moms, starbucks and the toughest smoking laws in the country.

the first time i announced my plans to a group there was a collective gasp as though the world had slightly shifted on it's axis for a moment at the news. i moved to los angeles reluctantly four years ago from san francisco, and settled into my neighborhood which was as close as i could get to the city in la. this little strip of heaven was a little gritty, a little dangerous, but full of character, great food, funky boutiques, most within walking distance. the culture was a fabulous mix of political activitsts with "impeach bush" spray painted on their houses, artists, writers, yuppies and smokers outside of abbot's habit jacked up on caffeine, conversation and indignance. there were playhouses, poetry centers, boardwalks and turnabouts all within walking distance. the shopkeepers served wine while you browsed, and started pulling your favorite items out when they saw you trekking up the walk. and then there was always sweet david at the corner market who delivered wine to your door if you couldn't make it down to the corner and inquired frequently about your post-breakup dating life--and in my case with great concern at it's apparent non-existence.

i loved the foggy mornings and cool evenings. the sunday farmers market and brunch at lilly's. the daily stop to grab a large cup of the strongest coffee from the paul/paul baristas at abbot's habit en route to work. the baguettes and croque monsieur at the french market where all the europeans smoked on the patio reading the paper while patrons of an upscale spinning class suffered through the second-hand smoke wafting in the doorway--i always felt a wicked, politically incorrect sense of satisfaction at this little arrangement.

now in calabasas the whole lot of us would be fined and possibly jailed for such an offense.

however, the two hour round-trip daily commute was killing me. i will be working too many hours at work and travelling so much over the next couple of years, that i came to the realization that i was paying a premium to live in a neighborhood that i only enjoyed two days a week (if that), it had been eight months since i'd stood on the beach that was just five blocks away and my yellow beach cruiser had a layer of dust and two flat tires from sheer lack of use.

so when my dear friend daniela bought her first lovely condo fifteen minutes away from the office and offered up a room along with a standing invitation to stay in the spare room of her boyfriend's fabulous pad in santa monica i jumped at the chance.

so now i'm well-rested in a lovely loft condo in a gated community with a pool and a clubhouse where the frogs in the creek keep me awake at night instead of the traffic and emergency response vehicles.

however, i have made a solemn promise to myself to resist the urge to bleach out my hair, spray tan, french manicure my toenails and turn in the mini cooper for an suv that will haul all those great finds from home depot with a starbucks in one hand and a hand weight in the other to replace my sherman mcd while en route to meet friends for a drink and a sampler platter at the local tgi fridays.

in other news...
i visted nyc. and barcelona. and vienna.

it's been a busy month.

Posted by heidijanet at 02:01 PM | Comments (3)

December 28, 2005

post-holiday social irony

i spent a fantastic christmas holiday with my mother in orange county, lounging and eating and watching old movies. i can now nod along knowingly at cocktail parties when obscure references to philadephia story, king kong (the original), casablanca and it happened one night crop up.

which would incidentally explain my sudden urge to pincurl this morning.

i travelled home with a carful of gifts and in excellent spirits, then stumbled into my empty apartment.

i spent the entire day alone cleaning and straightening and putzing...when i finally decided that it was time for me to venture out into humanity! go out and mingle with the masses for some post-holiday movie-watching.

my ideas of swimming anomously among the masses kind of crumpled a bit as i rushed in with my medium cup of popcorn and soda in hand, into a cavernous theatre occupied by a solitary woman yammering on her cell phone and a middle-aged gentleman who chuckled at the film in all the wrong places.

Posted by heidijanet at 09:09 PM | Comments (1)

July 05, 2005

what the 4th is all about

takes two to grill
Originally uploaded by in retrospect.

good food, good friends and...caution tape.

good times.

Posted by heidijanet at 09:55 AM | Comments (0)

June 01, 2005

hiatus

i've gotten a few emails wondering what's going on...so for the friends and loved ones who check in now again...apparently i'm on a wee hiatus.

not intentionally, just not feeling talkative lately.

Posted by heidijanet at 09:40 PM | Comments (0)

May 11, 2005

works on men of all sizes

the big even of the week at work, was the annual amgen chili cookoff last week, which is an extravaganza of chili booths, beer, wine, coworkers and their families gathered to...uh eat chili.

the thousands of amgen folks and their family units swarm the contained area around my building and it's a zoo of breeders on a rampage.

wandering through the kid's area packed to the brim with hundreds (i swear to god) children, daniela and sarah, and i all looked at each other and the first word out of our mouths was a simultaneous, "uh, contraception?"

we settled at a table in the midst of the swarming children for some chatting and eating when suddenly behind me there was a long, loud and incredibly annoying and disruptive whistle.

i turned, eyebrow raised and looked hard at the whistling 10 year old boy. he immediately ceased whistling, spun around on his heel and ran.

i turned back to the table, "see ladies, that works just as well with 10 year olds and 30 year olds alike."

Posted by heidijanet at 08:42 PM | Comments (1)

May 05, 2005

yup. i need a vacation.

i am not the kind of person that believes in signs, but i do look for patterns. anyone who keeps up with me here or in real life, knows i'm a workaholic.

after running my time allocation for the last six months, and realizing that i am averaging, AVERAGING almost 65 hours per week.

in just the last four months i've also managed to be out of the office on business (of course) 25% of my time this year (i was out the entire month of january), i managed to break my back, get a promotion and rack up over 70 hours a week.

last thursday, when my alarm clock began optimistically bleeping at 5:30am, i reached out for the almost completely spent snooze button, and came face to face with my very first thought of the day, "i need a vacation."

so...checking my horoscope yet again today:

LEO: Don't be shy about putting in for your vacation days now, no matter how busy it happens to be at work. You need some time off, you need it soon and you need it together. Be sure your sweetheart is just as adamant. You both have at least one favor out there that's overdue to be called in, so if you need to, make that call and pull those strings. Do whatever it takes to make this time together happen.

then, receiving a directive this morning from a woman i consider a mentor and respect very much, that i work way too hard--i've decided that i have officially uncovered a pattern.

so, i'm taking a week off. before july. i starting to plan right now. i may need to be a little loose with my definition of sweetheart--as everyone knows that in order for me to actually meet anyone that could be considered a sweetheart, they'd have to throw themselves on the hood of my car at 9pm when i pull into the driveway at night.

but that is a minor detail. however i am taking destination suggestions from anyone with any good ideas. i'm looking for warm, affordable, in or outside the u.s. where i can sit quietly, get my melatonin producing and stare at something other than this cursed computer screen.

and if anyone would like to come along, i'm keeping my definition of "sweetheart" very loose this week. *grin*

Posted by heidijanet at 10:50 AM | Comments (4)

May 02, 2005

technical problems, getting help and tiny victories against the spam misery in the world

i've been silent for the last couple of weeks. there are times that i go silent because i need a break or i'm overworked...but this time it i was in a protracted battle against comment/trackback spammers.

i shut down my comments last December after getting slammed with over 10,000 comment spams in less than a week. i set MT to force manual approval of all comments before they posted...but this became enormously inefficient at that scale.

i was sad to close comments, but i was overworked and didn't have time to upgrade/install plugins etc. etc. that is required to get a handle on the situation.

THEN i started getting trackback spam, which was just too much. after struggling for 2 days to upgrade MT, install MT blacklist and incorporate the little tweaks necessary...naturally i ended up breaking a few things.

so (for once) taking ariel's advice i turned to blog barter to get it all configured correctly for a very reasonable trade for something on my "expert's" wishlist.

(which, after the fact i just charged over to her wishlist and picked out something nice in the quoted price range, as though it was christmas. note to novices in getting help, you're supposed to agree to it first. fortunately she was very polite about the whole thing.)

at any rate...after tediously deleting all 10,000 comments spams (btw, martin i think i deleted a comment from you by mistake, sorry), i have opened comments back up and have missed hearing from my friends and family.

particularly those that (mistakenly) believe that reading my blog is just like staying in touch with me. a common problem i think, and as usual, ariel expresses this weird phenom better than i could.

so i'll be posting more regularly, and i hope the handful of folks that read along make a little noise from time to time. after all the trouble i went through it's the least you can do.

Posted by heidijanet at 12:02 PM | Comments (5)

March 21, 2005

fixed! (sort of)

about a month ago, fed up with comment and trackback spam, i attempted to upgrade my movabletype. and proceeded to break it. fixing it dropped to the bottom of my priority list for a while, but now it's all fixed.

to the five folks a day who want to know all about towel folding and my handful of friends and family who drop now can again and breathe a sigh of relief.

Posted by heidijanet at 10:38 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 11, 2005

curb your enthusiam. please.

i dropped off my car today for service, and was given a rental for the day. as i was discussing my car options with the agent, she beamed widely as she offered me my choice of convertibles.

i turned to look out the window at the downpour outside, raised an eyebrow and replied in my familiar smirking sarcasm, "oh yes, excellent--a convertible! either one is fine."

i'm back in a suit today, which is my sad-ass excuse for deflating the poor woman's enthusiasm for her offer.

Posted by heidijanet at 09:16 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 09, 2005

skin deep

i'm wearing a suit today. black with silver pinstripes with a funky stiff collar and a knee-length skirt. my hair is smoothly tied back without of any of my characteristic unruly bedhead.

i'm mystified and slightly amused at how my outfit is affecting my demeanor today. i'm a little more stern, my gait is a wee more purposeful. i'm not joking around as much with co-workers and my expression seems to be stuck firmly between a bemused smirk and a condescending stare over the tops of my reading glasses.

i keep resisting the urge to carry a ruler for gentle knuckle-rapping of misbehaving co-workers.

all of this is amusing the hell out of me.
(and feels a little, dare i say, naughty)

Posted by heidijanet at 01:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 02, 2005

singing a new song

i worked an eight-hour day today. with a full hour lunch.

and i am right now at this very moment sitting in front of my fireplace with an excellent glass of cabernet enjoying the silence.

tomorrow i think i'll do it again.

Posted by heidijanet at 09:34 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

glass houses

chatting with a friend today, about a new addition to his department who's a little quiet. however, he was speculating that because she had rings on her middle fingers, it suggested a dominant personality.

as i was about to jump in and add to that notion and get into what that might mean for him, i suddenly noticed the ring on my middle finger.

and quickly hushed myself.

Update: after meticulous research (read: googled) wearing a ring on your middle finger might actually suggest an identity crises. given this hypothesis, you'd think i was actually a pinky ring kind of girl.

Posted by heidijanet at 02:58 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 15, 2005

gag reflex

curled in front of my fireplace this morning, eating my breakfast of an omelet, latte and croissant from the french market i've been happily reading stiff -- a book about the curious lives of cadavers. mysteriously i have no problem reading through the copious details of human decomposition while eating my omelet.

i DO however have a very serious issue with discovering a single hair in my food. a serious gagging, retching, close to vomiting problem. i cannot eat around it, pick through it, nothing close to even considering finishing a plate of food where i have found, run into, spotted, or god forbid chewed through hair.

ack. my stomach turns just thinking about it. not to mention it ruined my fabulous feta/spinach/mushroom omelet on this fine saturday morning.

*sigh*

Posted by heidijanet at 12:15 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 06, 2005

bad sign.

checking my horoscope this morning...well, this just doesn't sound all that good.

LEO: You needed an ocean liner; what you got was a kayak. Make do the best you can.

yeah, you're telling me.

Posted by heidijanet at 10:28 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 01, 2005

i resolve '05

it's that time again. i'm going to shave the list to just a few things i can really focus on. i sometimes get so carried away in my oh so endless number of things i want to accomplish, and still find myself sliding down the path of least resistance.

this year i resolve:

1. i resolve to love my loved ones. to expend more energy and attention on the people i love. and less energy at work. i resolve to prioritize according to those who will never consider me expendable.

2. i resolve to sit down less. i sit down too much at the computer, reading books, drinking cocktails, watching movies, watching cable, sitting in meetings, sitting down for lunch, cramped in airplanes, reclining out on the front patio reading a newspaper, it's just altogether too much sitting.

3. i resolve to invest in experiences, not things. running through my expenses, i was shocked at the portion of my income that goes toward stuff i think i just have to have. to quote gloria steinham, "We can tell our values by looking at our checkbook stubs." well, aside from my ACLU membership dues, i'm ashamed of myself.

in the spirit of keeping it simple i'm keeping the number of resolutions to three.

happy new year to all, i hope it finds you well.

Posted by heidijanet at 01:55 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 20, 2004

fun wih bears

trouble with working too much is i'm forced to cram way too much of my life into a 48 hour period over the weekend. bills, xmas shopping, catching up with friends, wrapping presents etc. etc.

but i did manage a lovely sunday with my friend lynn, we were charged with photographing flat teresa (a la flat stanley) all over the west side and collecting souvenirs for her eight year old niece.

it was the most fun i've had in a long, long time.

Posted by heidijanet at 08:51 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 16, 2004

wide-awake

every morning on the way to work, i stop in at abbot's habit and get myself a large cup of coffee. it's become a little ritual, i park in the red zone right out front, smile and wave good morning the group of haggard gentlemen smoking and talking politics out front, the baristas inside see me coming in and reach for the large cups before i get to the counter for my "usual".

this morning, tired and strung out from a few intense and stressful weeks...i stumbled up to the counter, leaned over and stopped the barista mid-reach and said, "this morning i'll take a large latte. and make it a double."

my favorite coffee-puller grinned and started whistling times they are a-changin'.

Posted by heidijanet at 09:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 09, 2004

lightheaded

it's unusually overwhelming at work right now. i've been furiously digging through my days in meetings and memos and emails and updates and conference calls rarely leaving the office before 9pm, and most nights closer to 11pm.

feeling a little lightheaded in an early morning meeting, i stopped to wonder why...and realized that i have not eaten...

...since tuesday.

*sigh*

i need a wife.

Posted by heidijanet at 11:00 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 06, 2004

context is everything

Forwarded to me from daniela this morning:

This ad actually ran in The Atlanta Journal newspaper ...

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, race unimportant. I'm a very good-looking girl who LOVES to; play, take long walks in the woods, hunting, camping, fishing trips, and cozy winter nights by the fire. Really like a man with a pickup truck. A candlelight dinner will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society, about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.

Posted by heidijanet at 09:18 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 20, 2004

disappointed.

so i've been looking forward to this party tonight all week. pre-thanksgiving at chez warren, erin's amazing food, good people.

but then i wake up this morning and i'm SICK! 100 degree temp. sore throat. aches. pains. headache.

i'd force myself to go, but i don't want to get everyone else sick too.

*sniffle*

Posted by heidijanet at 04:59 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 17, 2004

cross-dressing ---> camoflauge dressing

on my way into work this morning there was a short bit on a tiny school in east texas that came under fire from conservative groups for their annual TWIRP day, on which the students cross-dress in a fun little role reversal for homecoming week.

apparently the concern was that this pushed a liberal agenda promoting a homosexual lifestyle among their students.

the day will hence forth be known as "camo-day" and the students will now dress as soldiers.

because you would never find homosexuals dressing up as soldiers...

Posted by heidijanet at 10:01 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 14, 2004

love ride 21

i'm back from love ride 21. i'm exhasuted and windblown. so until i get the energy to fill in a little more detail, take a look over here.

Posted by heidijanet at 09:34 PM | TrackBack

November 13, 2004

vigilante on the side

i had a wonderful dinner with my dad and lee tonight at the buffalo club. i rode on the back of my dad's harley, which i love because you really get to see things differently on the back of a bike.

on the way home, we stopped at a light at 17th and pico, and were waiting to turn right to head home.

a woman in a saturn turned left in front of us, when suddenly a small ford truck sped into view out of nowhere and slammed into the woman's car. her car turned 180 degrees spinning right toward us. for a split second i thought she was going to slide right into us. thankfully her car stopped a few feet short.

then, we realized that the truck that slammed into the woman just kept on driving. my inner vigilante kicked into gear, and i leaned forward and yelled, "hey that guys just taking off! we need to get his plate number!!"

but lee and my dad were on the same wavelength. we sped off down the street after the guy and lee got his plate number.

we turned around to head back to the scene of the accident, and realized that the woman had also sped down the street and was right behind us. i motioned for her to follow us back to the scene of the accident.

then of course, i chastised her for trying to chase him down herself. a single girl alone in her car should never try to chase someone down like that...well unless she had a couple of harley guys at her back. ;)

anyway, we gave the police the information they needed to track the guy who just hit her and ran. fortunately no one was hurt. but man, i just hate it when i see people just run away like that. but talking to the police, i guess it happens all the time.

i feel bad for the girl, but it felt really good to step in and help. vigilante work is very exciting.

Posted by heidijanet at 10:39 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

November 11, 2004

daddyo!

my dad's down for the annual love run, and this year i get to go!

me & my dad
Originally uploaded by in retrospect.

he drove down on his harley with his good friend lee and i met up with them for a drink tonight. sharing fun bar tricks, i challenged them to a classic passed along to me by daniela...

m: "so you push the cork into the empty wine bottle and then fish it out only using the things available at the table"
lee: "suction?"
dad: "heat it up?"
lee: "use a knife."
me: "nope. nope. and nope."
lee: "fill it with water?"
dad: "fill it with beer!"
me: "um no."
lee: (to me) "you're drunk!"
dad: (to lee) "no, WE'RE drunk."
lee: "oh. yeah, right. we're drunk."

interesting role reversal to hang out with one's dad and his buddy while they're throwing 'em back on a road trip.

Posted by heidijanet at 10:24 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 02, 2004

defection

such high hopes for the day. i got up early. i voted, optimistically tracked the polls all day. met friends for drinks...thinking maybe there'd be cause for celebration.

it's 11:00pm PST and it's not looking good. not good at all.

if (when) bush takes it, i'm defecting. who's with me?

Posted by heidijanet at 11:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 31, 2004

all hallow's eve

peek
Originally uploaded by in retrospect.

it's been a long time since i stayed out until 5:30am, it was a fantastic night out in downtown los angeles. good music, great friends, fabulous time.

Posted by heidijanet at 07:46 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 29, 2004

jab

just lost a game of scrabble by 3 points...to the word jab.

double letter, triple word.

insult to injury.

Posted by heidijanet at 11:09 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

October 10, 2004

venturing into alien territory

i ventured east of the 405 today with my friend daniela. we actually made it all the way over to melrose--where she discovered a pair of $10 sunglasses that she happily swapped for her D&G sunglasses.

it's been years since i've ventured down melrose on foot. the first time was while visiting my ex when he first moved to los angeles. i remember flying down from sf, meeting him for lunch as my dressed up, pale as a ghost, cropped hair, black and denim, scarved self sat snickering away at the suntanned, bubblegum platform heeled traffic thinking that there's no way i'd never fit in here.

this time, however, either i've acclimated or melrose has become distinctly more retro-punk and less bubblegum--cuz i kind of dug it. in spite of the fact that there were a surprising number of stores with almost identical merchandise--with only slight variations in the front window.

art installations lined up on the sidewalk of burned and twisted lampposts, garbage cans and chained up bicycles, left me wishing i had a much better camera.

and on top of that, i serendipitously uncovered my halloween cosume at aardvarks, for the fifth year in a row. i'll be heading up to san francisco this year, so that makes my holiday plans that much more exciting.

overall it was a great sunday, inspiring a vow to uncover more of los angeles' neigborhoods. it's time i stopped secretly feeling that by hoveling out in the west side--it will make it feel less like i actually live here.

since it looks like i'll be sticking around a little longer.

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September 21, 2004

simulated skin is no laughing matter.

exercising some skills outside of my job description, i found myself in a sound booth recording a voice over for an instructional video, for the second time this month.

one segment of the script called for me to say, " simulated skin pad", but i kept stumbling over the phrase with the equivalant of verbal recoil at the concept. *gack*

however, being a professional, i decided to smile for that phrase to "lighten" the tone...which made me think about the limbs & things superstore hawking simulated skin pads for demonstration purposes only...which was a very short trip to a snorting and giggling fit verbally incapacitating me. understandably, the producers in the sound room were perplexed and straight-faced, reducing me to a squirming 10 year-old trapped in a church pew giggling FOR NO APPARENT reason. which just made it worse.

with tears running down my face, i had to politely excuse myself. until my inexplicable laughing ceased.

good thing i'm a constant source of my own amusement--i just can't seem to find anyone else to let in on the joke.

or it's just a very short trip from a slight smile to laughing my ass off at the slightest provocation.

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August 16, 2004

twisted. and wrong.

there are sometimes those moments when you visit home and you wonder if your mother has officially...erm, lost it.

i walked into my mother's kitchen only to stumble upon the sunday afternoon "snack" perched on the counter, um in it's finest sunday dress:

if i wasn't questioning my genetic pre-disposition to such twisted behavior already, i certainly am now.

um yeah--i'm going to chalk it up to shock therapy toward a vegan lifestlye. ahem.

Posted by heidijanet at 09:24 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

August 14, 2004

master plan...diluted a little

i've had a secret fantasy, well not really a secret per se...but definitely a fantasy that's trying really hard to become a plan. i have been fascinated with the idea of buying a patch of rural land and putting up a compound of prefab homes for about 6 months. i figure that within the next 3 years, if i'm really responsible, i can get that patch of land, put up the first module 2 years later, and by the time i'm 40, i'll have my own little compound. how's that for a seven year plan?

so today i was very excited to head out to the caboom fest in santa monica with my good friends Dan and Sandra who are down for the weekend from san francisco, to check out a prototype of the MD 280 (which will be auctioned off later in the year on eBay).

i wasn't horribly impressed with the design, a little too small, no decent ventilation, no storage to speak of...so i remain attached to the LV Home. and it's also clear the industry is just a little too new and the elitism of the architects is keeping it a little too expensive to justify. but on an up note, i ran into a friend i hadn't seen in ages who's building his own prefab prototype so maybe i'll learn from his experience.

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August 05, 2004

yes. we know.

doing more harm than good

"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we," Bush said. "They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we."

my sentiments exactly.

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July 15, 2004

more sister spawn

my widdle niecey laney is growing up!!

Posted by heidijanet at 07:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

July 12, 2004

weekend bbq

it's been a while since i've attended a bbq and ended up getting down to the music in the backyard, but it happened over the weekend with a gathering of workfolks for judi and sacha's birthday.

and, since i was the only photographer at the party armed only with my cell phone--and my moblog was deleted in my recent site disaster-recovery debacle--i've posted the fuzzy, poorly lit low resolution photos over here.

there were fabulous asian fusion foodies with excellent drink at lew's lovely abode with a wee bit of excessive raucousness tossed in that i won't repeat here. because well, i'm sending the aforementioned work folks to my site to view the evidence.

however, in the interest of fairness (and for entertainment purposes only) please feel free to email me directly with any good stories from the party i may have missed. especially the ones about me. i hate it when i miss those. disclaimer: all denials will be issued on a case by case basis only.

(moblog will be back soon for the 5 people a day that i'm sure are sorely missing it)

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June 17, 2004

there should be a law

i've been on planes quite a bit lately. i wish i could say it has been all fun and exciting, but unfortunately. it has not.

as i was flying back from cleveland this week, completely exhausted trying to get a little sleep for the first time in what felt like weeks, i concluded that there should be a miss manners for the traveller. and this should be required reading before you can step foot on a plane. now, i don't know anyone that would consider relying on me to be a "miss manners" of anything, but i'm going to get on my sassy horse and lay a few down anyway:

1. don't bring your own peanuts as your snack. why would you do this? they give these to you on the plane. and if you sit next to me, i will gladly give you mine too. personally, i hate the little tiny, insignificant bags of peanuts. i really do. but for some reason when folks get these hot little items in their hands, they rip into them immediately, the peanutty stench fills the cabin and everyone scarfs them down as if it were manna from heaven. now assuming you aren't satisfied, if you ask the flight attendant, they will give you more. really.

2. don't direct your nasty "i'm annoyed" look at the parents of fussy children. save your silent glares for the guy who insists on taking up the entire length of both armrests even though he's sitting in the aisle seat or the woman who crushed your suit coat in the overhead with her shopping bag full of see's candy and "my grandma went to cleveland and all i got was this stupid t-shirt" gifts for the folks back home instead of the poor mother who can't get her 18-month old to stop crying.

planes are loud, cramped and scary places, with nothing to look at (except for all those people glaring at you) and nothing to do. but more importantly, babies don't know how to pop their ears when the altitude changes. i would whine and cry too if i couldn't get my ears to pop. and you know you would too. so cut the kids a break. and the parents too.

3. don't rush the front of the plane the moment it stops moving. I don't understand this strange compulsion. as soon as the plane rolls to a stop, everyone jumps up, flings off their seatbelts, snatching their bags out from under the seat and the overhead compartment to cram into the aisle. and wait for the the door to open. it's not a race folks. this doesn't make things go any faster. everyone just ends up crunched into more compact clumps hunching down in the aisle. elbows bumping heads, rear ends pushing over children and bags shoved into kidneys. it's just silly.

oh, and while we're on the subject, stop and let the folks out of their seats before rushing by. more often than not, you'll just end up knocking over the old lady without even offering to help with her bag. and who wants to be that guy? trust me folks, even if you manage to shave a few minutes off the process by shoving your way off the plane, and racing through the terminal--most of us just end up standing around together waiting for baggage claim to spit out our bags.

it's just like the asshole on the road who honks, swerves, gives you the finger and races around you in his car so he can get next red light. first. then sits there as you pull up and stop right next to him.

4. Yahtzee is NOT a game for the airplane. i don't think this requires explanation.

5. if i have earphones on, i don't want to talk to you. somehow the guy next to me from cleveland didn't get this very simple concept. i don't like to chit chat on planes. i just don't. i don't care where you're from, where you're going, what you do for a living or what you're reading. and i'm not interested in sharing personal information about myself. that's why the earphones are stuffed in my ears. it's my own personal advertisement that i'm not interested in conversation.

so, go chat up that woman across the aisle expectantly looking around the plane for someone to chat with. you know the one. you might recognize her by her matching floral print luggage with the identifying ribbon tied on the handles. she's the one who takes two trips a decade, and both of them are to see her family. she'll have pictures, stories and an endless need to hear all about yours too. i'm not that woman. i have earphones on, i'm reading a book and i don't want to talk. unless of course, you're playing yahtzee. but you probably wouldn't want to talk to me just then.

if anyone has more ground rules for flying, please feel free to contribute. maybe i'll collect and self-publish them then become one of those annoying people at the airport forcing flyers into the hands of unsuspecting travellers.

because you know...folks aren't carrying enough instructional paperwork while they rush through the airport as it is.

Posted by heidijanet at 06:08 PM | Comments (0)

June 02, 2004

secret admirer

okay so every day this week, when i get into the office, there's a treat on my
desk. yesterday it was a bag of candy. today it was a fortune cookie.

i can't decide if i'm flattered, or unnerved by this.

Posted by heidijanet at 06:12 PM | Comments (0)

May 27, 2004

all this, with only a minor chance of side effects

finding a couple of quiet moments in the maelstrom that has become my life these past couple of weeks to check in and run down...

i've accepted a full-time position at Amgen, i've been working here for about 7 months as a contractor, and finally decided to take the plunge. keep your fingers crossed that my edges stay sharp, that i can resist the temptation to immediately couple up and breed...and that my laugh doesn't recede into a
muttering chortle as i join the ranks of a corporate behemoth.

in an effort to stave off the chances of this, i overleveraged myself a little and finally got...the mini. i justify this by reminding myself that it gets almost twice the gas mileage to fuel my hour-long commute, and i get to work just a little bit faster. well...a LOT faster. frankly, i only need two words to really justify my purchase. malibu canyon. *grin*

i'm also heading off to vegas with the girls for the weekend before my "official" start date. i figure this way i might have just enough debauchery in my system to get through the first few months with a wicked smirk whenever i get the urge to start peeking at co-workers ring fingers or cooing over babies or some crap.

wish me luck!

Posted by heidijanet at 06:16 PM | Comments (0)

May 18, 2004

back in the city

migrating north for the first time since last summer, i finally made it up for rex's dine and vine. or vine and dine. or wine and wine...which is closer to
reality.i caught up with friends i hadn't seen in months, and in some cases years. while there i learned a few things:

1) while things change, more often than not, they remain the same.

2) although sometimes. things change quite a bit.

3) that instead of hearing the use of "frisco" in reference to the city as an earmark of someone from out of town, the locals have started to use frisco, you know to confuse the transplants.

4) i used to scoff at the seemingly excessive valet parking in la. but i have to admit, trying to find a parking spot in the haight for lunch at my favorite hideaway restaurant...i missed it. a lot.

5) most disturbing revelation of all? for the first time i drove into the city, and it didn't feel like home. *sniff*

Posted by heidijanet at 08:25 AM | Comments (0)

May 11, 2004

no one?

reunion.com keeps sending me spam to inform me that 5 new students have signed up, 0 looking for heidi wright.

i find this a little depressing. every time i get it.

Posted by heidijanet at 08:31 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 26, 2004

time for a quickie?

yahoo launched it's own horoscope content. now they offer a quickie forecast, you know for those in an astrological hurry. for today:

Heidi's Daily Leo Forecast
Quickie: What a way to begin the week: You're radiant. You're the lamp. They are the moths.

ah, well. see that'd be a nice change.

Posted by heidijanet at 08:42 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

April 25, 2004

ah, love

solo moviegoing report. eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. such a painful movie. beautiful but painful. if you asked me why i liked it, i couldn't tell you. and it's not so much that i liked it. i mean i liked the film, loved it in fact. but i didn't much like how it slowly worked on me like a dredge, scraping up that feeling. the feeling of having something that had been packed down nice and tight polished over and silent, and in less than two hours it had expanded and burst screaming, "remember me? i'm that feeling you get when that really precious thing is torn and shredded right before your eyes. did you really think that you could forget?"

on the way home, the driver in the car in front of me reached out of his window as he passed by to pick a purple blossom off the flowering plant on the median. then he turned and offered it to his girl who was sitting in the passenger seat.

it was so fucking sweet i wanted to ram my car right through their trunk.

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March 09, 2004

strange dreams again

i woke up this morning having had another one of those strange dreams that have bothered me all day.

this time, i was going to a huge party. i arrived at a huge warehouse, and got somewhat lost trying to find loft #60. i wandered up and down through a strange maze of stairs. some of them you could go up, but not down. and vice versa. there were maps on the wall like you would see in a mall, except you had to push a button to light up the indicators, and for some reason you had to manually enter where you were with only had a few moments before it went dark again. which was confusing, because i didn't know where the hell i was. i'd look at the map, light it up to see the numbers, then quickly glance around to see which loft numbers were near me. by the time i reached out to enter the number, it went dark. i did this several times before i finally was able to briefly see where i was in relation to loft #60.

i finally made my way to the correct door, and went in. it was a loud party with hundreds of people. there were a few people from work. some old friends i hadn't seen in years and years. a couple of distant family members, and colin farrell. which was weird.

so i'm walking around, talking to people then suddenly the lights flicker on and off, the party's over. the loft immediately empties out and the only two people left in the room are myself and an old boss of mine from years ago. he was my career mentor, but i haven't spoken to him in years.

we look at each other and automatically walk together down to my car saying nothing. my car is a datsun B210, which was my very first car inherited from my grandmother when i was sixteen years old. for some reason he doesn't have his car, and in my dream there are apparently no cabs to call.

we drive down the road, come to the stoplight and i put my blinker on to turn left. all signs indicate that this is okay to do, there's even a left arrow that turns green. but as i turn left on to the road, it quickly becomes clear that it's a one-way street, and i'm driving the wrong way. so i maneuver over into the shoulder, but there's no immediate opportunity to turn off the road. it doesn't occur to me to just turn my car around and drive the correct direction.

i finally get to a place where i can turn left onto a road driving the correct way, and i do. there's a big island in the middle of the road and a curb that drops off on the right hand side of the road. i finally find the exit i need to take my ex-boss home, and it's on the other side of the island. there's no place to turn left. i drive slowly hopefully finding a place to make a u-turn, and i can't keep the car on the road, i keep dropping the tires off the curb to the right and it's a serious struggle to keep the car straight. there's nothing wrong with the car, i just can't seem to drive properly.

i finally arrive at a rotary where i can make my way the other direction, but by this time i'm so frustrated, i gripping the wheel with white-knuckles and cursing at the horribly designed roads, lecturing the absent highway planner about how it's impossible for me to find my way to where i want to be. then i remember how hard it was to find loft #60 and i start bitching about that, how not only could i not figure out where i was going, but i couldn't figure out where the hell i was, for crying out loud.

finally my ex-boss who's been smugly silent until this point, turns and looks at me, and says, "it's your responsibility to know where you are and where you are going, and no one gives a rat's ass how hard it is for you to figure it out. but either way, at least keep the goddamn car on the road."

this has bothered me all day.

Posted by heidijanet at 03:15 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

February 27, 2004

it's MAGIC!

a co-worker of mine has a magic 8 ball on her desk, and from day one i've developed the nasty habit of stopping into her office and giving it a good shake with a very serious question. statistically, it's wrong more than it's right, but i still find myself drawn to the damn thing like my freewill astrology horoscope.

i usually ask it personal questions, and lately it's been offering up the infuriating reply that the answer is unclear, or that i should concentrate and ask later. i have limited patience with such indecisiveness, so i immediately shake it again until the light blue fluid inside is frothy with anticipation. and in what i'm certain is resentment for such harsh treatment, it spits back that i should not count on it.

this vexed me, so i found an online magic 8 ball, but apparently they're all part of one pervasive hive mind and this one does the same damn thing.

so i've decided that i need a new tool for inaccurately predicting my future. thanks in advance.

Posted by heidijanet at 02:56 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

February 10, 2004

it's quirky to be single?

during my morning commute last week, one of the top editorial stories for the morning news was announced, "is it possible to be single and happy? one happily single woman calls this idea, being a 'quirky single'..."

this disturbs me. not that someone can be single and happy, but that it has been coined as quirky.

as a single, professional woman in her early thirties, i have found myself surrounded by women, and some men, that are fixated on meeting someone that will make them happy. for the rest of their life. this idea frightens me a little. but what frightens me more is that so many people perceive "happy" and "single" as mutually exclusive ideas. which annoys me to no end.

now, don't get me wrong, i'd love to meet someone that i enjoy spending time with. if that enjoyment happened to last a lifetime, all the better.

but i seem to be surrounded by people who seem to have taken on a second job devoted to finding their perfect, lifelong partner. endless hours spent researching cosmo, preening, grooming and strategizing for how to draw this one person out of the faceless crowds. lately, every conversation seems to be dominated by finding that one person to complete us and make us whole.

behavior is analyzed and over-analyzed ad naseum. wracking brains about what this or that really means. a 300-pound yoke of expectation is hung around the neck of every first date, dalliance or interlude. ultimatums are given, rigid interpretations and compatability lists are made. it's fucking exhausting.

i'm not suggesting that i don't fall victim to some of these overanalyzations and obsessions from time to time, i do. it's part of the fun. but, i'm not trying to triangulate the position of that one person to determine whether or not they are a suitable for a lifelong attachment--i'm beginning to suspect that some people just aren't well-suited to that. what i take issue with is the prevailing notion that we are not, and never will be, completely whole until a mate is found.

i cling to the idea that if i am happy with where i am right now, and become comfortable in my own skin, only then would i be able to or even interested in sharing a bit of that with someone else.

what i want to understand better is why so many of us hang our hopes for happiness and fulfillment around the necks of other people that are, in effect, doing the exact same thing. do two unhappy, incomplete and dysfunctional people make one happy, fulfilled whole?

i suspect not. and i suspect that we are asking too much of other people and not enough of ourselves.

and the idea that choosing to be happy and single can be described as "quirky" is just one more indication that as a culture we have wholly unrealistic expectations surrounding coupledom.

which of course, might explain why 50% of men and over 40% of women cheat on their spouses. it also might explain why half of all marraiges end in divorce.

so why do we cling to these romantic ideals of marraige? and how is it that being voluntarily single and happy is something quirky?

i wonder.

Posted by heidijanet at 11:30 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

February 06, 2004

fab prefab

i've become a woman obsessed. scrolling through metafilter yesterday, i stumbled across a link to fabprefab.com, and was intrigued. i'd just read an article in wallpaper about the future of low-cost home design. now prefabricated homes are not a new idea, but looking through some of these amazing new modern designs i'm fascinated.

imagine. buy a lot of land in the desert, which is only about an hour or so east of los angeles for $18,000. buy the new LV home kit for $30,000. then again about $50,000 to erect it, with some help from my father to wire and plumb etc. AND, they only take about 7-10 days to erect.

i could be into a wonderful new home for less than a $100K!

i'm going to start saving today.

Posted by heidijanet at 12:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 05, 2004

birthday party

had a little birthday shindig for michelle down at the buffalo club in santa monica. many drinks, great wine, more people than we could fit at the table--i heard at some point that evening the girls were harassing the bartenders, threatening to sign their names in the fogged up windows er...with their breasts...then something about eighteen inches? so maybe harassment isn't the exactly the right word.

at any rate, happy birthday michelle!

Posted by heidijanet at 10:40 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

February 02, 2004

sister spawn update

i've made it back from salt lake in one piece. after a long weekend serving as the family's drop-shipped, ad hoc cleaning lady, personal shopper, driver, family crises mediator and babysitter -- i have to admit, it's nice to be home where i can have a stiff drink at the end of the day, kick my feet up on the table and not think about whether or not we're going to kill the new baby with poorly planned feeding times, medications or cold drafts. oh, and get back in the habit of DAILY showers.

but i had a wonderful time with my sisters and my TWO, count 'em two, nieces. for the photoraphic documentation...click here.

Posted by heidijanet at 05:15 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

January 21, 2004

knit one, purl uh knit another

i spent my monday holiday, with my mother and my step-grandmother florence. mother wanted to go to a store called the "yarn lady", thinking that with florence being the farm-raised, wholly domesticated woman that she is, she'd be tickled. of course mother didn't bother to ask if florence had ever even picked up a knitting needle. she hadn't.

what she didn't count on, was that her 32-year old unmarried childless workaholic urbanite of a daughter, who considers the coffee machine her only useful appliance and take-out food cooking at home, would walk into the yarn lady, let out a little squeal of glee at the hand-loomed, hand-dyed nobby yummy yarn and subsequently rush the crowd of greying ladies to snatch a knitting for beginners tutorial, a pair of #36 needles and 2 skeins of fantastic merino wool and plop down her credit card.

i've been knitting since monday, my fingers are sore and i've had to redo the scarf once already [damn tie off!] and i love it.

and i just know that somewhere there is a spate of exes, girlfriends and family members that are slack-jawed in shock convinced that surely the fourth horse of the apocalypse has, in fact, arrived.

Posted by heidijanet at 02:28 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

January 20, 2004

logjam

okay so my long absence from entries has created a log jam in my mind, so much has happened over the last few weeks...christmas parties, celebrations, visits and photos with family, new years, excessive consumption, unbelievable workload, travel to vegas, spectacular lapses in judgement and complete lack of sleep...i could go on and on...but it's just too overwhelming to try.

so i'll just recant my most recent lapse in judgement, mostly because the others [as usual] are not fit for print.

so i'm in the garage, digging out the christmas decoration boxes having finally decided to pack away my fabulous, if a little excessive, christmas lights and my precious charlie brown tree. i crane my neck and spy the ones i need at the top of the "box stack", towering 10 feet above my head. so i decide to scale the inevitable jumble that lives in every garage (isn't there? if you don't have a garage jumble, then give me a ring, you're hired) in front of the stack of boxes. with my right foot on the back of my grandmother's old puke-green wingchair that i refuse to get rid of, and my left on top of the dresser that holds all my childhood clothing, i reach way up to pull down the boxes. as i pull backward on the second box [you can see where this is headed can't you?] i stupidly try to do some sort of jerky pull so i don't bring the box lid down. because, you know it's far more important to _not_ lose the box lid.

at the second jerky pull [heh. no pun intended], i lose my balance, drop the box, do the slow cartoon-esque clockwise motion of my hands... "whoa...oh...no...fuck!", i reach back and grab the edge of the open door behind me, which promptly swings shut bringing me and the jumble down hard with excellent commotion on the concrete, cushioned only by my fortunately [for once in my life] ample behind. i also managed to jam the front fender of my bright-yellow low-rider bicycle into the lower left of my back. *oof* so now i have a knot bruise the size of texas in the middle of my back and my left ass feels permanently clenched.

i swear to god, i need supervision.

sigh.

Posted by heidijanet at 02:43 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

January 11, 2004

dog days

in case anyone wonders if i've been hit by a truck...i've worked over 100 hours at work this week.

and counting...

that's a new record.

Posted by heidijanet at 12:03 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

January 02, 2004

i resolve - 2004

ok, in line with last year's resolution, to resolve things more often, so here we go:

1. i resolve to learn to play the drums this year. properly.
2. i resolve to strengthen my poor post-injury body to that next year i'll be able to go skiing at least once.
3. i resolve to expand my social network to include more folks with something to say, and more grownup activities. i'm a little tired of waking up on sunday with a hangover and a foggy recollection of discussions about haircuts, second dates and where did you get those shoes?!
4. i resolve to travel. this is a long term resolution, but i specifically resolve to go to italy this year. or paris. whichever housing situation works out.
5. i resolve to be less cynical about love.

okay, another year down. another to go. happy new year!

Posted by heidijanet at 09:52 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 31, 2003

i resolve recap

reviewing last year's resolutions, i found that i in fact made some progress over the last year...

2003 review:

i never make resolutions at the new year, but after the dramatic events of the past year it seems a shame not to. so i resolve to--

buy a smaller safer car. and drive it in the right lane. --ok, so i purchased a honda CRV, smaller and safer, but have been lulled into complacency, or more likely overcome by my impatience and find myself in the left lane more than i would have expected. but overall am a more conscientious driver. so that's a step up.

leave the house for no reason at least once a week--i've managed to take a major step up here. this was a direct result of developing a minor case of agoraphobia after the accident. i now manage to make it out on a pretty regular basis. although, i usually have a reason. i'm not sure what that was about.

spend less money on my cats. they don't care. --this has worked well. the only thing i find myself buying weekly is this fuzzy ball thing that hangs from the door frame on elastic. the damn things are about $8 and my cats destroy them within five days. but they LOVE them, so i just have to.

spend more money on food. acknowledge that coffee isn't food.--i definitely spend more money on food, but usually by going out. i also spend more money on wine...i'm not sure if that's a good thing or not. but it sure makes those lonely nights more bearable.

stand on 2 feet and walk around. a lot.--okay this has progressed much more slowly than i would have liked. it took 8 months to get out of the leg devices, and i still have some atrophy to overcome, but i'm walking a lot more. i even manage a sad looking shuffle-run when need be. folks who don't know about the injury think it's really funny-looking and laugh at me, but it's been a major development for me. and i'm very proud.

make some friends. real friends--not 'hey you wanna grab a drink?' friends.--i managed to make some good progress with this. i've made some great girlfriends, and some really good drinking buddies and am looking forward to getting back to my old social habits.

welcome in 2004 from another time zone.--okay, someday i will manage to do more than get drunk in someone's kitchen. however, this is not the year for that. i will be celebrating with some girlfriends, some champagne and hopefully a few decent pool games.

i also resolve to resolve stuff more often.--stay tuned for my 2004 pipe dreams.

Posted by heidijanet at 01:19 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 17, 2003

it was very naughty.

the evidence has been posted

the infamous "who's been naughty?" party went off great. the triad of naughty hosts above, were some of the only ones that dressed up. which means we had the most fun. but i have to admit being surprised at the low dress up rate in los angeles. what about the theatre? the drama? are angeleans too cool to dress up? so i can add that to my list along with "too cool to dance with utter abandon at clubs"? apparently that's also uncool in la. whatever.

however, there were over 100 folks crammed into my apartment in venice over the course of the evening, because it was too damn cold outside to take advantage of the party tent erected out back. folks were very generous bringing rations, so we'll have to throw another party just to get rid of all the liquor and soda.

the only unfortunate event of the evening, well the only unfortunate event fit for public consumption, was that someone made off with my digital camera. *sniff* so if anyone wants to take pity on me, you know what i want for xmas.

of course, if anyone wants my entire christmas list...i've been very good this year. well, at least right up until last week. :)

Posted by heidijanet at 12:10 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

December 08, 2003

hiatus

in an effort to shake myself out further, i've decided it's time to take a hiatus for the next couple of weeksa week or so.

if anyone wants to know how i'm doing, please feel free to drop me a line in the meantime.

**12/15 update on hiatus - yes, the hiatus is over. i've stockpiled too many potential entries in my head, and miss my little outlet of self-absorption. besides, xmas party photos coming soon.**

Posted by heidijanet at 01:44 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

December 07, 2003

emtpying out

i needed to empty myself out this weekend. which i managed to accomplish with utter abandon. oversleeping both mornings, puttering in and out of rooms with no purpose or busywork. and i finally feel well-rested and refocused after a couple of months of being wound up tight and stuffed full of distraction. i was feeling tired and a little strung out.

i rediscovered an old pleasure of solo moviegoing. i don't know where along the way i lost one of my favortie pasttimes. living in san franciso i used to love padding down to market street on an overcast sunday afternoon, taking muni up haight street to the red vic, a co-op movie house that shows independent and second run films with padded church benches and self-serve food. hunkering down in the left rear of the theatre with smuggled vietnamese food balanced on my lap and the luxury of no conversation all the way home afterwards. just the bemused observation of strangers staring blankly through the plexiglass under the buzzing florescent lights of the bus' interior.

i didn't take the bus to laemmele theatre, and i sat down sans the vietnamese, only clutching a small cup of popcorn, that someone kicked over while i was out taking care of business *pout*. i took in lost in translation, which i'd planned to see several times with different friends, but am relieved to have seen it alone. it left me with a comfortable aching empty feeling afterwards--and the loose awkward chit chat of "how did you like it?" and "what do you think he said to her right there at the end?" would have been annoying, grating against the fact that it didn't need to be discussed. for me anyway.

it made the short trip home pleasant, letting me quietly observe a bus parallel parking, a couple embracing at the end of santa monica pier and a guy on his bike in the suicide lane fervently twirling his hand, motioning the traffic forward shouting, "ANDALE! ANDALE!".

i like this empty feeling and resolve to shake myself out more often.

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December 04, 2003

crapola

(previous post deleted under duress)

*grumble*

Posted by heidijanet at 02:43 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

December 01, 2003

t-day touchdown

t-day was a wild success. the early awakening with the realization that i had not yet set the table, in fact there was no table. drat! i'd spent so much time worrying about the turkey debacle that it hadn't yet occured to me that there must be a proper place to sit and eat!

being my mother's daughter, i rose at 6:30am, diassembled the desk in the front room, rearranged the closet, the bedroom, the bookcase (for those who've been to my home realize this was no small feat), and made a proper dining area of the...well dining area. three hours later, oh and the finishing of wolves of the calla (priorities, my friends, priorities) i finally got around to stuffing the turkey. which required the rather gruesome task of reaching in and pulling out the turkey neck which i had to accomplish with tongs. now i'm fully capable of catching a nine pound largemouth bass on six-pound test and cleaning it, but somehow fishing out the turkey neck and giblets in the shrink-wrapped free-range turkey turned my stomach a bit. go figure.

next came filling the oven bag with onions, olive oil, a bottle of weasel rat er i mean...fat weasel beer [don't ask], an entire clove of garlic, mushrooms, cloves and thyme in the CAVITY brushed with olive oil and rosemary and shoved the turkey into the oven at 350 degrees for the next 4 hours and 45 minutes.

after that it's a bit of a blur. but magically in the last 1.5 hours i managed to perfectly time the locating and ironing of the table cloths, setting the table, tossing the salad, lighting the candles, stewing the stuffing, boiling the olive oiled, rosemary-drenched potatoes and topping it off with homemade cranberry sauce and dutch apple pie.

for those of you who have mocked my lack of domesticity in the past when i've burned spaghetti and ruined a perfectly good steak sandwich with a well-honed method my ex used to call "cooking by fire alarm", i say "poop on you!"

it was amazing and i was exhausted. oh, and the turkey came out great! [more photos coming soon]

and miracle of miracles i made my mother proud. however, her being a woman who managed to explode a pot of macaroni and cheese and had to call her mother to figure out the fine art of jello preparation [only to get hung up on] well the bar was set pretty low.

but i've found my greatest successes in life have been a direct result of clinging to alarmingly low expectations. and i like it that way.

Posted by heidijanet at 11:06 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

November 26, 2003

t-day all nighter

**update on the turkey adventure**

i've uncovered crucial information on how to *brine* a turkey -- who knew you had to do that? now i get what mike was talking about with his uber-geeky MS Project chart illustrating that he'll be pulling an all-nighter tonight!

when i was strolling down the aisle at trader joe's, i had images of plopping the turkey in the pot, stuffing something in the cavity, shoving it in the oven and it would come out all nice and brown in a couple of hours! apparently this is not true.

so tonight there will be a turkey brining, soaking, brewing, roasting all-nighter party at my house. it'll be just like college, cramming before finals in the common room with a bunch of stressed out, exhausted girls in footy pajamas only to end up getting shitfaced at 3am and making the horrible decision to bleach my hair, falling asleep...and waking up with distinctly chrissy snow hair at the precise moment that i needed to be 2 miles away taking my final. then driving like a bat out of hell down to campus, parking my 1972 red bronco in the middle of the lawn in front of the testing center, sprinting up the stairs in the same footy pajamas having completely forgotten what i'd crammed into my head the night before.

that will be me. tonight. only instead of finals it's turkey. and instead of my professor it will be my mother. this is much worse my friends, much worse.

so please, come on over. bring the hair bleach and a six-pack and save me from myself, and my predictably poor judgement.

Posted by heidijanet at 11:53 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 24, 2003

small world

when i was living in san francisco, i had several disconnected groups of friends that i ran with. there was (as there always is) the crew of artists and musicians, designers and developer misfits, crew of folks that i worked with (many of which were of the former group) and a fast crowd of folks from palo alto (i.e. the dot com snobs, and i say that affectionately, that threw really kickin' parties).

now, sf is a pretty confined space so i got to a point after a few years, where i'd show up to a party or gathering and run into at least a few folks i knew. this apexed during the holiday season 2001 just as i was preparing my migration *sniff* south to la. i showed up to gathering after gathering running into the same folks and finally, a party where a healthy contingent from all of my circles of friends were there and i essentially knew everyone.

then i moved to la. and being the vast sprawling web of suburbs, enclaves, strip malls and apartment complexes that it is, i never imagined that this would start to happen here...but it has. and it started over the last week.

i *gasp* crossed over the 405 weekend before last, to a few spots in hollywood and while at the bar marmot a couple of folks from work spotted me (although they didn't make themselves known...perhaps it was the 6' foot anime heidi in platform boots that took them aback?) then this last saturday night i was at a party a few blocks from my house, and ran into two totally unrelated acqaintences there!

i swear, the world is just shrinking at light speed for me...and maybe i'll need to start watching my p's and q's a little more while out and about.

Posted by heidijanet at 10:20 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 22, 2003

bad dream

i had a terrible dream last night. one of those twisted dark terrifying that stay with you for days dreams.

i was following a friend in my car, winding through a canyon and down a street that i'd been down before in a dream a few months ago. i was looking at the houses remembering the people i knew that lived in them, wondering what they were doing. it was the dim dark of dusk or dawn, probably dawn, so i wasn't paying much attention to my friend's car in front of me.

the car parked in a driveway and shut off its lights and i pulled up beside it. but as i turned and looked at the car, it definitely wasn't my friend's car, same color but different make. i squinted inside the cab to see the couple that seemed to be sitting waiting for something, just staring straight ahead at the garage door.

then in unison they slowy turned to look at me and i was startled by the blank coldness of their expressions and the ghastly whiteness of their skin. as i put the car in reverse to turn around out of the driveway and they both quickly opened their doors and slid out of their car.

just as i swung the car back into the gravel to the side of the driveway to drive away the woman came up walking smooth and fast, floating almost, past the driver's side window of my car, and the man came up the passenger side and collapsed on the ground. i looked back at the woman who seemed to be walking dead with blue lips staring at me blank slow and steady. i locked the doors.

i looked back at the guy on the ground who was almost as pale as her, but not yet dead and covered with open sores like something had been taking chunks of his skin over a long period of time.

i thought to myself that i should really go over and help him, what kind of person am i that i could just let him lie there and die? so i opened my door and just as i stepped around it, he jumped up and was suddenly standing next to me. he reached in his coat pocket and pulled out a cell phone. one of those brick beige cell phones from the mid-eighties and cocked his arm back clearly about to brain me with it.

i stepped into him (like my martial arts friend advised me once a long time ago when i moved to soma) and the blow glanced off the back of my head right behind my ear. i couldn't move for a second and he put his head down and undid his big brass buckle belt and as he whipped it throught his belt loops, i could suddenly move and pushed both my hands through the hair on the top of his head. i gripped bushy handfuls of hair and started yelling for help as i brought the bridge of his nose down fast and hard on my knee.

i looked over to my left and spotted a couple calmly mowing their front lawn and trimming their hedges about 15 yeards away. they slowly looked up when they heard my yells, and appeared perplexed at what the hell was wrong with me. they kept looking at me for a minute, shrugged their shoulders, unable to figure out what all the yelling was about and went right back to their business.

i brought the guy's face crashing down hard on my knee again and then pushed him back planting my right foot right in the center of his chest sending him flying back into the gravel next to the car.

i stepped around the door to get into the car as he started to get up, i slammed my car door out and into him sending him back onto the gravel, and jumped back into my car. i slammed the doors shut and locked the doors as they came up both on either side of the car slapping their hands wet with blood against my windows as i spun my wheels in the gravel.

before i could drive away i was wakened by a large bang in the house and heavy breathing. i panicked for a moment lying quietly on my belly listening to the house. then i realized it was just the wind breathing through the screens of my open windows and the cats had knocked over a plant in the living room. which was a heavy relief.

however, i believe that everything's connected (waking and dreaming life for example)so i've been bothered by this dream all day, wondering if it was just an indication of some unresoved rage or fear, or if it's indicative of what i'm struggling with right now (which isn't that much so that doesn't make sense) or what i've struggled with in the past maybe?

i dunno, but i'm still really freaked out by it. well, i'm a little impressed with my kicking-ass abilities.

Posted by heidijanet at 01:06 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 20, 2003

*yawn*

too tired to make coffee. conundrum. bugger.

Posted by heidijanet at 07:11 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 13, 2003

dumbass. again.

okay, so i'm sitting in a very important meeting today with some very important amgen folks. we're reviewing some very important stuff...well you get the picture.

this is my first introduction to some of them, and they keep looking over at me, so _i'm_ thinking, "wow, okay so they really think i have something to offer here". but i've only been here about three weeks, so all the biologic, indication, efficacy blahblah is a little confusing.

so i'm fiddling with the collar of my turtleneck and realize that they must be looking at me a lot because...my goddamn shirt is on backwards. balls!

Posted by heidijanet at 02:06 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

can't help it

in the past i've sworn off reading my horoscope. i don't really believe in the stars guiding my destiny...but i don't totally write off the correlation.

there is something in me that wants to believe in the unseen forces guiding our lives. or even that the particularly intuitive that can offer insight into the place you've found yourself and the path you are on.

earlier this summer during a trip to san francisco, i was in a cab with my good friend rex speeding down jones street to a club, and while at a stoplight i glanced up to see a man, clearly under the influence of something, attempting a superhero-dumbass act of scaling down the side of his apartment building in a effort to escape the police after he had tossed all of his patio furniture into the street. needless to say this attempt failed miserably and he hurtled three floors to the pavement whacking his head on the lampost on the way down seriously, if not mortally, wounding himself.

it was, to say the least, disturbing.

given that period of my life, which was filled with chaos and uncertainty, i was horribly unsettled and whenever i'm faced with difficulty or hardship in my life i seem to be on the alert for auspicious, or in this case foreboding, signs in my daily life.

as we pulled away from the light and ended up at the club both rex and i were too disturbed to go into the noisy club filled with half-dressed twenty-somethings, so we hopped back in the cab intent on getting back into the safety of the hotel.

on our way back we passed one of those non-descript buildings with the neon TAROT READING in the dirty, fogged-up window. i leaned forward and told the cabbie to stop we were getting out. rex, being the sport that he is, asked no questions and hopped out with me.

i've never felt compelled to have my cards read, i always considered them to be a total sham, and frankly i'm still not convinced that they aren't. but as i set down with the gnarled, balding, raspy-voiced egyptian woman i opened my mind for the experience.

now the act of having your cards read is not as i've seen in the movies, she would place three to five cards down at a time metering out what the cards meant, and carefully gauging my reaction as she went. as she described my nature, my relationships (both with my friends, coworkers, family and lovers) my past, present and future my emotions ran the gamut from skepitcism, to opening up to downright emotional outburst, then back to skepticism again.

the strangest thing? that all of those areas that i felt that she was off-base with? came to pass.

so i haven't decided if these are self-fulfilling prophecies, or if there is some truth to insight and interpretation of the very intuitive folks in the world. at any rate, i'm back to reading my horoscope again, but have resolved to limit it to rob brezny's free will astrology:

LEO this week: The bumblebee seems to be aerodynamically unsound. Its body weight appears too great for its wingspan. Indeed, if it were as big as an airplane, it would never get off the ground. Fortunately, it knows nothing of the laws of physics as they apply to machines, and therefore never suffers from self-doubt as it soars and darts. I suggest you make this creature your power animal in the coming weeks. You will need to accomplish small wonders that there are no theories to account for.

perhaps things are turning back to normal...?

Posted by heidijanet at 10:31 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

November 10, 2003

out and about

my weekend was filled with new friends, old friends and quickly becoming best friends. oh and home repairs.

i had dinner with a new friend friday at an italian restaurant that i've been wanting to visit for a long time. but i cannot truly love any italian restaurant that doesn't have beef carpaccio. they had tuna, but it was a sad, bland shadow of my favorite italian appetizer. there's nothing like a glass of merlot [btw note to self: if you haven't eaten all day, avoid contionuously sipping your merlot while wating 30 minutes for your table. you end up making a bit of an ass of yourself as a result] with thinly-sliced beef drizzled with olive oil and showered in capers. i protested, but was greeted with smirking condescension at my request for, GASP, beef. sorry but they were way too chichi for that boring traditional dish. [second note to self: if you've been steadily sipping merlot on an empty stomach, do NOT cap off your meal with sambuca, see previous note to self. *shaking head*]

saturday i met up with my good friend michelle to see Love, Actually. i loved it. LOVED IT! if you want to be heartily entertained i highly recommend seeing it. and don't go alone. i think i'll be in an excellent mood for a month after seeing that film.

then i met up with an old friend from san francisco that i haven't seen in over 2 years. it's always interesting to see old friends after a long stretch. sometimes you find you no longer have much to say, and other times (such as this) you realize that you've grown enough to more deeply appreciate the other person's perspective in life. it was nice to sit and talk about life and love and loss and change and realize how certain events can strengthen the best parts of your nature and soften the flinty edges of the rest. and it was nice to be reminded how things do change, for the better.

speaking of changing for the better:

why couldn't he have shown this kind of conviction when he was running?

feeling guilty for watching the godfather trilogy again instead of writing the next great american novel? here's some fodder to help get your ass in gear. (courtesy of metafilter)

Posted by heidijanet at 01:31 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

November 07, 2003

in hot water

i was without hot water for 2 days. i got up wednesday morning to find that the pilot light had gone out and WOULDN'T COME BACK ON. it was awful. so after one really cold shower and the next day left me shivering and whimpering only dunking my hair in my sink, i managed to discover that the thermocouple had burned out.

so last night, tools in hand and a brand new universal thermocouple from home depot i opened up the water heater, and with much frustration and grumbling profanity getting the old one out, [note: when all else fails, pull very hard on it with pliers. it will dislodge] i managed to get it all put together and ouila! hot water! my landlord was shocked that i'd managed to get it fixed all by myself, telling me i was the very first tenant he'd ever had to fix that problem. so there. pin a rose on my nose.

i told him that if i could rebuild the carbeurator on my VW bug i could handle a little, stinking thermocoupler. *swagger*

on another note, intrigued by those friendster photos? want to know what that potentially special someone _really_ looks like? check out The Buttafly Guide to Interpreting Friendster Photos. (courtesy of ariel)

Posted by heidijanet at 12:34 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

November 05, 2003

movie movie

i'm going to see the matrix tonight. i'm really excited. one thing i do love about la is that this town is all about the movies. which means that opening nights are super fun, crowd participation and all. besides, i don't want to hear any reviews or opinions or spoilers before seeing the movie. so i hopped on movietickets.com and got my advance tickets for opening night. WOO HOO!

oh, and look over here for blocking and tackling maneuvers to optimize your experience at the movies. **warning -- uber-geeky stuff**

Posted by heidijanet at 02:36 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

November 04, 2003

book club. for readers only.

tonight is my first book club for women who read. i'm pretty excited about it. i've been invited to book clubs in the past, but haven't really managed to get into it. mostly because my taste in books (bukowski, plath, kerouac, ginsberg, burroughs, bradbury, etc.) tends to directly conflict with what the ladies my age are reading these days. and i simply refuse to waste the precious hours of my life dredging through the poor fiction that is marketed toward women the 25-34 age bracket.

i can understand reading sex in the city (the book, not the scripts) and bridget jones diary in your twenties at best-- they're funny little cotton-candy like books that were kind of sweet, but offer nothing in way of nourishment and frankly make you feel a little ill afterward--but ooh they were fun.

but the subsequent take offs such as the devil wears prada, travelling pants, running in heels, and others are more like the crappy supermarket doughnuts that end up in the break room at work on fridays that you feel pressured to eat but in the end they taste like shit, make you ill for the rest of the day and leave you with nothing but those last two pounds that make you feel ugly and ashamed for consuming them in the first place.

i want books with nourishment. that make you think. examine your life. i'm running headlong into my thirties--supposedly the best period of my life having [hopefully] figured out what the hell i want in my life--now i want add to it with some perspective and mental nourishment.

so if anyone out there has read a good book lately like nickel and dimed, the davinci code, chalice and the blade or fast food nation let me know...i need to build a new list and force feed it to my poor unsuspecting book club girlies.

Posted by heidijanet at 11:12 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

November 01, 2003

year and a day

it's been a year and a day, since the "accident", and i've made it through without incident. it's funny, since i had plans both last night and tonight...but i didn't make either. i expected to dress up defiant and charge out into the halloween festivities giving the finger to the night that wreaked such havoc onto my life.

instead, i found myself comforting my girlfriend and curling up with a glass of wine thanking god that i'm safe and sound. at home. healthy with my life healed and prospering in spite of my past.

and realizing that the gift i've been given is one more halloween.

Posted by heidijanet at 10:12 PM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

October 31, 2003

i'm the BLUE FAIRY!

i wasn't going to dress up for Halloween at the office this year. i really wasn't. that's because this year i am was going to be "ghetto fabulous". translation: i'm i was going to look very pimp ho-like this year. and i felt that with just 2 weeks on the job, it would be tres inappropriate to show up in platform boots and leopard pants for work.

but then, as i woke up this morning i remembered that i have a wonderful blue t-shirt with WISH emblazoned across the front. so i pulled it on, pulled on my blue, fluffy flirty skirt and red shoes, crafted a hokey little wand out of a pen and blue cardboard and contemplated my costume as the blue fairy -- intent on turning inanimate objects into a real boys a la pinocchio. of course i kind of liked the A.I. analogy better. something about the sci-fi nterpretation combined with haley joel osment's wistful whiny determination to find the non-existent blue fairy, used to manipulate him back to his "father"...well i liked the dark twisted irony of it.

anyway, as i was walking to the office party with my hair painted silver and pulled into two crazy knots on the top of my head, glitter dusting and wings made for a 4 year old, a woman (who's the boss of my boss) sheepishly asked me what i was...and was relieved to find that i was in fact, in costume. "you never can tell who is, and who's not, in costume", she explained.

clearly i'm being taken very seriously at my new job.

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October 27, 2003

fire! fire!

everywhere i go there are fires. i went to visit my mother last night in orange county, and as i'm driving down the 405 i start to think to myself, "Wow! is is getting dark already?" then i smelled the acrid smell of burning. i pull off my blue-lensed sunglasses and realize it's an orange-yellow haze of smoke and ash raining down darkening the skies in the middle of the afternoon. the santa ana winds pick up the smoke and push it to the coast making it seem very close even though the fire is a good ways from there.

it's a nerve-wracking experience -- especially for my uncle who lost his home in laguna beach 10 years ago today in a horrible fire that gave him less than 5 minutes to run from his house clutching all the artwork he could fit in his arms.

so of course when i get to my mother's house, she's fussing because the dinner party she had planned to have outside--with twinkle lights and autumn centerpieces a la tuscany--might be ruined. not to mention the air was so thick with smoke and ash we were all hacking and coughing. fortunately however, the winds died down in time for dinner. phew! priorities my friends, priorities.

anyway, driving north this morning into ventura county for work, it started again. the haze and smoke thick in the air with a light sprinkling of ash all over the roads and cars and buildings with the fire just a few miles north of here. and because amgen employs a good portion of the population in thousand oaks there's a nervous hush over the campus as many of the folks around me plot how they'll rush home and pack up their belongings and pets in case the fire turns.

it's very disorienting to have the smell of smoke rushing through the vents here at the office...i'm lucky that my home is nestled in a nice safe-zone near the coast...but it's still disconcerting to say the least.

Posted by heidijanet at 12:02 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

October 24, 2003

roll up your window

as i drive into work in the morning, i roll down all my windows because i love the smell of the ocean as i crawl up PCH.

so yesterday as i'm rolling along with NPR turned up, the fellow in the next lane apparently mistook this as an open invitation to chat.

"hey are you on your way to work?"

i look over with that look of disoriented disruption, girls you know the look...well i'm sure many of you fellas know the look too, dontcha?

"er, yeah"

"where do you work?"

"thousand oaks"

"where?"

feeling safe in the fact that he'd have to search 45 buildings and 10,000 people to stalk me

"Amgen"

"wow, i used to be in that business..."

light changes, i speed away only to find myself cornered at the next light. before i could get my windows up, he pulls up next to me again.

"so can i get your number?"

"er, i don't really shout out my number on the street to strangers...heh"

light changes, i speed away only to...well you get the picture.

"hey, seriously i just want to meet you for coffee, don't you want to meet me for coffee?"

politeness diminishing. "not really. no."

"no? but you're so cute!"

ok so here's where i was kind of bewildered. clearly he thought _i_ was cute --that was not the obstacle

"uh, i don't think so. sorry."

i finally make it away with time to politely roll up my windows and escape still hearing his pleading shouts trail off as i speed away.

first of all let's start with some ground rules:

rule number one: never hit on a woman from your car. now i'm sure there might be exceptions, but overall it's just creepy. i don't know why, it just is.

rule number two: when a woman says no. it usually means no. please move on.

here's what i want to understand:

just because a woman is not a bitch who scowls and rolls up her window doesn't mean she's interested. i've learned to be polite, smile, be appreciative of the fact that someone thinks i'm cute by not being a total bitch about the thing -- i just say thank you, but no.

but is there something that these bitchy women know that i don't? am i leading people on by being nice and trying to not hurt their feelings? i mean, i know how hard it is to approach someone you like...it's excruciatingly nerve-wracking. isn't it better to smile and be nice about the rejection? or is it better to just roll up the windows mid-sentence with an "i don't think so" attitude?

Posted by heidijanet at 10:54 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

October 13, 2003

first day

i had the first day at a great little gig with amgen. yup, that's right, i accepted a job with amgen. now i felt bad cutting my contract with Ramp^Rate a little short. i worked hard, did some good work, for a great group of guys -- who were classy as hell when i gave them the bad news. but it was amgen! i had to.

so the day started at the crack of dawn, driving up the coast and then through malibu canyon, which isn't a shabby commute. the beautiful scenery and winding road makes the hour-long commute seem like just a few minutes. arriving at the 45 building campus, i headed in to "orientation" with about 20 other people. it was eerily reminiscent of freshman orientation in college.

there was an hour long discussion of security (so don't get any ideas about getting me to talk pharmaceutical, it's verboten), use of equipment (amgen issue only), dress code (there isn't one) and the wonderful amenities "on campus". there's a car wash in parking garage 6, child care, 4 restaurants (one devoted to the atkins cult of eating), the fabled gym, and get this: A STARBUCKS! Right there, on campus!

so then we all followed the group leader like a gaggle of ducklings over to get our passes so we can get into the building from 7 to 7. by 11am i was done, and settling in to my shared cube. it's cozy, but they're running out of room in my building. everyone seems to be sharing a cube.

anyway, after that the day was great. everyone is super duper nice. and better than that? everyone seems to be smart as a whip. rare in a company larger than 200 people. and very refreshing after the last year.

so i'm keeping my fingers crossed and counting my lucky stars. so nice to have things go well for a change.

Posted by heidijanet at 08:18 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

October 07, 2003

it's a conspiracy

bush. now schwarznegger. hilary was right! there must be a great right-wing conspiracy.

i say recall schwarznegger in 2004!! who's with me?!

Posted by heidijanet at 09:27 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

September 30, 2003

it's NOT a fashion thing -- is it?

i woke up this morning to the cool, coastal fog covering that makes it oh so easy to get dressed in the morning.

so in the elevator on my way to the office this morning, a guy got in the elevator took one look at me in my sweater, big orange scarf and then down to my flip flops.

"so are you dressed all bundled up because you think it's cold?" he asked clearly holding back his sarcasm and disapproval while awaiting the inevitable los angeles answer.

"well i'm from san francisco, so if it even comes within 10 degrees of my wearing a scarf, i'm ecstatic." i replied.

"oh, so it's a fashion thing."

hey! i'm no slave to fashion. just scarves. that's not the same thing is it?

Posted by heidijanet at 11:21 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 28, 2003

izzy visit

check out the photos from my visit with ny niece izzy -- where it's all izzy all the time!

Posted by heidijanet at 12:54 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 20, 2003

back

just returned from tradeshow hell in nyc. i managed to be in the city for almost a week and have not much to show for it except 3 photos, memories of the inside of my hotel room, the inside of the javits center and a lingering hangover.

i'll post the 3 titillating photos soon with my new gallery! i downloaded a cool little web-based tool and it works great. it was also my first successful php installation, so pin a rose on my nose.

Posted by heidijanet at 10:55 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

August 29, 2003

and _i'm_ out of work?

so i met a friend for drinks last night. he was going to be in santa monica to pick up his cell phone, that was getting some bells and whistles put on it.

now it must be mentioned that my friend is a successful network engineer, that doesn't appear to be the type that would "trick out" his cell phone at a mall kiosk, which makes this little story oh so much funnier.

so we meet for drinks, his phone is not quite ready -- they are missing a part. a part? cell phones don't have parts, so if you lose one well it's just not a good sign.

over a couple of beers and he relates his embarassing tale of being mesmerized by the flashing lights at the cell phone kiosk and thoughts of how cool his friends would think he was with a black motorola flip phone with a flashing skull on it. really how could he resist?

after drinks we head down to pick up the phone. we arrive at the kiosk and the guy greets us announcing, "yes, your phone is ready!" he reaches under the register and pulls out a black plastic bag containing the newly customized phone and oh, a few parts are in the bag. er...

he whips out the shiny black phone with a transparent skull, underneath which you can clearly see...a upc code. he flips it open and with a straight face says, "ok, so we needed to make a few adjustments, which really aren't a big deal", now only 4 of the 12 blue lights are lighting up and there is a bit of scotch tape around the bottom of the phone that is jammed into it's belt attachment.

"Now to make a call all you have to do is press this little button", he pulls out a pointy file and pushes the button, "and there you go! you can make a call."

my friend, who's face has fallen ashen as he imagines all the ruthless harassment he's going to receive over the next several says, "er, ok. and so help me understand. you flip it open. the skull doesn't light up. only 4 of the buttons are lit, voice recognition no longer works--and i have to press this little button with a pointy tool to make a call?"

he reaches to pull the phone out of the belt holder and the kiosk guy gasps, "uh, you don't want to pull it from the case. and whatever you do don't remove the scotch tape -- but you can totally make calls." he didn't mention that you couldn't receive them.

my poor friend, who at this point has resigned to buying another $250 phone tells the guy, "you know this it totally bullshit. i know this isn't your fault but the phone doesn't work. and i cannot carry a pointy tool around with me to make calls."

"oh no, you can can use finger. see?" he opens it and vainly tries to use his finger that's clearly too fat for the the little button.

"ok, so i'm not going to bitch at you," my friend says, "but if i take this back to the other kiosk, will that guy fix it?"

"oh, yes -- he is the best of the best!" the kiosk guy assures him, again with a totally straight face.

Posted by heidijanet at 03:28 PM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

July 28, 2003

catchup

had a very good week following a not so great start. i had a great interview with a very cool company for a position that has left me salivating -- i'm keeping my fingers crossed. but still plugging away at the job hunt.

spent sunday with a group of friends that i always enjoy who graciously included me in their birthday celebrations for mike. i made off with the very cool bocci ball set -- anyone have a lawn? and it was worth the drive to pasadena just to see martin do cartwheels on the front lawn.

finished my day today hooping on the beach with a bevy of gorgeous women who can hoop to all get out. i kept trying to learn tricks, but kept hitting myself i the head and dropping it. battered and bruised i learned how to hoop over my head and back again.

it was just what i needed, knock myself in the noggin a several times before i learned a good trick.

Posted by heidijanet at 09:07 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 20, 2003

friday five

as a red-blooded american girl, i had to...

1. Is your hair naturally curly, wavy, or straight? Long or short?by hair is none of the above. it's kind of bent. i suspect that's because my hair points in one big cowlick clockwise around my head. not curly, wavy or straight -- just bent.

2. How has your hair changed over your lifetime?
ooh lots. long. short. medium. big and curly. short and spiky. dark brown. platinum blonde.

3. How do your normally wear your hair?
unruly, bedheaded most of the time.

4. If you could change your hair this minute, what would it look like?
either to my waist and wavy. or short. very short. can't decide.

5. Ever had a hair disaster? What happened?
yes. in the mid-nineties, a french hairdresser got it in his head that i'd look good with a shag. despite my protests, one day he turned me away from the mirror and had his way with me. needless to say i was either a late carol brady or third-act sharon stone in casino as a result. not pretty.

Posted by heidijanet at 06:32 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 15, 2003

a blessing or a curse?

sometimes i wonder if i'm blessed or cursed.

so, i'm driving back from my mother's house in the #4 lane of the 405, moving along at about 70 mph and suddenly the cars to my right start to slow down. a lot.

i began to react before i registered what was happening hitting the brakes. a woman in the #1 lane had lost control of her car and was sliding across all four lanes making a wide 180 right towards me. all the cars around her were braking and swerving around her in a kind of auto ballet. i locked up my tires and slid down the pavement, burning rubber for about 200 feet and came to a stop about 4 inches away from from her front bumper. literally 4 inches. it was amazing.

gripping my steering wheel i smiled "whew!" at her. that could've been a bad one -- i'm pretty lucky. although at times it sure does feel like death wants me.

Posted by heidijanet at 08:37 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

June 13, 2003

friday five

friday five -- the lazy (wo)man's entry:

1. What's one thing you've always wanted to do, but never have?skydive.

2. When someone asks your opinion about a new haircut/outfit/etc, are you always honest?absolutely not. although if you've made a horrible mistake, you can usually tell by my face. i have a very expressive face and very few social filters.

3. Have you ever found out something about a friend and then wished you hadn't? What happened?yes, once i found out that a friend's wife was having an affair through a mutual friend. and i really like that friend. but it makes it hard to hang out with them. i just hate that "guilty secret" feeling, especially if it's not _my_ guilty secret.

4. If you could live in any fictional world (from a book/movie/game/etc.) which would it be and why?i would live in just about _any_ popular fictional world. the underdog always wins. the fantastic, smart girl always gets the guy. the bad guys always lose. hard work always pays off. and you can have an impeccably decorated 3000 square-foot loft space in the hippest part of any metropolitan city on a writer's salary.

5. What's one talent/skill you don't have but always wanted? to sing like etta james. that's one skill that no matter how hard i try, i'll never have. ever. oh, and play a mean game of poker--see answer to #2.

Posted by heidijanet at 02:36 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

June 07, 2003

overcast in venice

i can't believe it -- but i spent the whole day futzing around on the computer, upgrading movabletype, reorganizing my blog and even managed to get a little header up!

i blame it on the grey, dull skies that are so rare living in la. and my sad digital addiction that continues to interfere with my social life.

tomorrow's goal -- to leave the house. at least for a little while.

Posted by heidijanet at 07:23 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

June 05, 2003

oHIo

i just got back from visiting my sister, and new niece isabella, in ohio. i'd never been to ohio, but it was such a fun trip.

unfortunately i overdosed on baby crack (definition courtesy of ariel) and am deperately trying to recover.

photos from my trip coming soon.

Posted by heidijanet at 08:55 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

March 23, 2003

scratching the surface

friday i met up with a couple of girlfriends for drinks at a little bar on the beach. we left work early, our boss ordered us out into the sunny afternoon god love him, so we headed out to down a couple of $3 margaritas on the beach.

we chatted about work, love, sex, and other general gossip goodies that got significantly better with each slurp. midway through, a couple of guys who'd been sitting behind us, stopped by our table on the way out, "i feel like i've just had my own personal version of Sex in the City," as though it's shocker to discover that women actually do use "that language". he added, "i feel like i've just learned all i need to know about women."

the three of us silently sat there looking up at him. a little perplexed and blinking. i broke the uncomfortable silence in my naturally charming fashion, "um, you need to get out more. you've barely scratched the surface my friend."

this was a guy clearly in his thirties that should not be completely oblivious. but what is it about grown men that cling to the idea that women gather and discuss betty lou's new haircut, their boyfriends and the state of jello molds? and why are they so shocked, or in this case enlightened, when the conversation turns to sex, gossip, graphic descriptions of hair removal, lubricants and threesomes?

seriously. this is not a rhetorical question. enlighten me.

Posted by heidijanet at 11:02 AM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

March 19, 2003

top results

recent check shows that visitors have found me by searching for:

feline flatulence
blogophobia
her one leg and crutches
woman with atrophied leg

and finally,
go sit in the corner dumbass

that one just kills me.

Posted by heidijanet at 07:27 PM | Comments (1)

February 18, 2003

so serious

i've been so serious in my recent postings. unfortunate downside to spending too much time inside overthinking the simple stuff.

i bought a plant for my desk monday. i believe it has significantly improved my mood.

i promise to lighten up.

Posted by heidijanet at 09:06 PM | Comments (0)

February 09, 2003

dammit

i had this looong entry about my adventures this weekend filled with observations about the goings on late at night in la among the very young and underdressed as well as a few laments about having outgrown casual interactions in noisy clubs with bad hair bands, crushing punk diddies, drunk men and half naked women.

not to mention how to navigate up and down the stairs in the viper room on crutches a little woosy from the jager and champagne. my advice to you, don't mix'em and if you do, don't take the stairs one-legged.

unfortunately, as i was adding little urls for inquiring minds, i accidently erased the entry. since i feel that i lost the moment , i just don't have the heart to attempt a recreation. apologies.

Posted by heidijanet at 04:07 PM | Comments (0)

January 27, 2003

auntie heidi

i'm an aunt! my sister had a little baby girl at 7:30pm today. 9lbs 12oz. 22 hours of labor just to have a c-section.

isabella angelina fritinger.

i will call her izzy. and she will call me auntie. i'm so excited.

Posted by heidijanet at 09:02 PM | Comments (0)

January 26, 2003

surreal

visited the getty yesterday, with my roommate kathryn. it was a lovely day seeing the works of bill viola, rembrandt, goya and dorthea lange.

most impactful moment of the day, however, happened while peering at the rembrandts with my little headphones listening to the audio tour from a wheelchair -- a lifesaver at a museum for 9 hours. looking over to my right i noticed a woman with her boy, no older than 2 pointing out an oil landscape. i watched the boy for a moment, noticing he was far more interested in the people milling around than the old paintings on the wall -- of course *he* didn't have the headphones. then his mother called out "matt..." at a man in a blue shirt.

he turns -- it's my boyfriend from high school. a little bigger, wider and hairier, but definitely him. my first love. first just about everything. this was the boy who loved me in a way that only first loves can, and i've been looking for a love just like that ever since.

i wasn't as good to him as he was to me, but i was 17. besides, i never was the sharpest tool in the shed when it came to love and trust me this was far more pronounced at 17.

as he walked by, i held out my hand and said "you're matt winn aren't you?", he didn't recognize me right away...but it had been 12 years, 10 lbs, a suntan and very big hair since i'd seen him last. then he muttered 'oh my god. wow. this is amazing. you're so thin.'

not the words i'd imagined, but i was shaking and could barely stand to give him a hug nonetheless. which was strange, i didn't think that seeing matt after 12 years would affect me so much. i mean he's standing there with his wife and son and best friend and i'm shaking, a little weak and can't seem to get an intelligent word out about anything.

we chat about nonsense, yes i got married, didn't stick though, oh so sorry, yes a car accident, wow i had one too in oct, my son payton, oh sister's having her first, i'm in venice, oh we're 2 minutes away, how strange, no didn't make the reunion, drove by your old house, yadayada.

then we kinda looked at each other stunned, uncomfortable. his wife tells me that's she's heard so much about me which doesn't sound like a good thing. and then we kind of mutter something about how nice it was see, meet, run into each other and then walk off in opposite directions.

that was it. strange that should be it, but i guess that's life.

Posted by heidijanet at 10:32 AM | Comments (0)

January 09, 2003

it's not really a question of *should*

so i'm walking out of a restaurant with a few of my friends and as i'm crutching out the door, a fellow says 'be careful!'. i turn to smile and assure him that i'm very careful. and as i turn to walk away he puts on his best come hither expression and says

'a girl like you shouldn't *be* on crutches...'

um, yeah.

Posted by heidijanet at 03:58 PM | Comments (0)

January 07, 2003

feline flatulence

i'm interviewing roommates. again. i hate this process. i feel like it's a blind date only you're interviewing for a committed relationship--which scares me enough.

so i had a potential come by sunday, and she had a very nice friend with her. while i was discussing the terms of the rent, leroy jumped up in her lap, and farted.

i haven't heard from her since. i guess if she can't handle a flatulent cat. forget it.

Posted by heidijanet at 08:18 PM | Comments (0)

January 03, 2003

i love the 80's

i make it back into the office today met with the usual, so how was your new years?

i drew funny looks and silence when i divulge that i managed to crack my eyes open at 1:30pm Jan 1st and to spend the first several hours of the new year munching soda crackers in bed watching 'I Love the 80's' on VH1.

is that so wrong?

Posted by heidijanet at 09:55 PM | Comments (0)

January 01, 2003

what is it with the jello mold?

i welcomed in the new year in a stranger's kitchen on crutches blowing a horn and pulling the string on a popper. it was a pretty fun night overall -- suffice it to say there were jello shots, champagne, girls falling down in the kitchen and totally inappropriate behavior with green jello molds involved.

what i can't figure out is how my bathroom caddy ended up next to my bed with its contents emptied in the other room...? hm. weird.

Posted by heidijanet at 04:54 PM | Comments (0)

December 31, 2002

i resolve

i never make resolutions at the new year, but after the dramatic events of the past year it seems a shame not to. so i resolve to--

buy a smaller safer car. and drive it in the right lane.
leave the house for no reason at least once a week
spend less money on my cats. they don't care.
spend more money on food. i acknowledge that coffee isn't food.
stand on 2 feet and walk around. a lot.
make some friends. real friends--not 'hey you wanna grab a drink?' friends.
welcome in 2004 from another time zone.

i also resolve to resolve stuff more often.

happy new year and good luck.

Posted by heidijanet at 06:53 PM | Comments (0)

December 29, 2002

thud

i have a small junkyard cat aptly named bad bad leroy brown. he falls asleep on the back of the couch. then promptly falls off. with a hard thud and a stunned look. of course he falls off stuff while awake too.

he is an embarassment to my other, infinitely more graceful cat. not for me. i can't get enough. not much funnier than a junkyard cat that keeps falling off stuff.

Posted by heidijanet at 07:11 PM | Comments (0)

December 28, 2002

i like to watch

i learned something new today. i'm a voyeur. i like to watch people do stuff. at the store i'm more interested in watching people shop, than shopping. at the airport i could watch people come and go from the curb to the gate and back again all day long--but find airports tedious otherwise. i like to read about people doing stuff. i like to write about people doing stuff. i like to think about how to do stuff. but when it really comes right down to it, i don't really do that much.

especially these days, stuck in my house with a broken leg. so it seems more palpable lately. but still.

Posted by heidijanet at 08:04 PM | Comments (0)

blogophobia

okay so i realized this morning that i'm afraid of my own web log. i've been meaning to get one up for a while. and despite my past ability to figure out just about anything, i just refused to figure this out. but then my roommate mentioned hers and another friend put his up (although i think he's afraid of his too). i thought, i like to write stuff, and this is a good place...so i had my roommate and friends at work help me get this damn thing working.

and for the last week, it's just been sitting there. looming. a black hole just waiting for me to fill it. now, i'm not under the misguided impression that hordes of people will come flocking to my blog to feed off my bullshit--i'm just afraid of the damn thing. the responsibility maybe. or the expectation. i have a web log to feed. and i'm afraid. pretty sad.

Posted by heidijanet at 06:25 PM | Comments (0)

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